𝐃𝐎 𝐌𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑 ➵ 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗 𝐖𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍

viii. uh oh

DO ME A FAVOUR!

IS IT humanly possible to have too much ice cream? i wish it wasn't because i could just eat cookie dough for the rest of my life if i could. i locked myself in my house after realizing my cowardly mother left again. i was watching 10 things i hate about you, laying on my couch and well, eating ice cream.

it was towards the end of the movie, around where kat was saying her poem about patrick. she was crying over how she hated him for making her not hate him. why did it have to be oddly similar to my current struggles? i don't hate felix for liking lake, i hate him for making me feel this way about him.

why did he always have to be himself and why did he make it so easy to like him? i'm going crazy i swear, bambi, you are losing it. shortly after my mid teenage crisis, the doorbell rang. i looked awful, my hair thrown lazily up and grey sweats wrinkling from the couch but so be it, i guess. i pushed myself up and walked to the door and low and behold, there he was, felix weston, in the flesh.

"what are you doing here?" i said, trying my best to feel unamused. i wasn't mad to see him, it's just the absolute worst timing ever. he looked out of breath, as if he had ran here. he pointed past me, myself assuming he wanted to be let into my house.

i walked away from the front door, gesturing for him to come inside. he followed, closing the door behind him. i sat back down on the couch as he circled around the couch, deciding to sit next to me.

"once again," i asked. "what are you doing here, felix?" i said, making my inner self feel bad for giving him the cold shoulder and not being fully with him.

"it's about lake.." he mumbled just loud enough for me to hear him. dear lord, somebody end me now. i didn't want to hear about how perfect she is or how happy she makes him feel because i want to make him happy, not that dingbat.

"what about her?" i asked.

"so whenever i left with her to go get that cake for victor's party, we kinda had stolen their last cake and whenever we fled the store, we stopped and i could be crazy but i felt something there, between lake and i; something that i never felt before." he smiled to himself. my heart pounded as i felt my face become hot. i was angry, angry that i have all these feelings for him. i knew i couldn't tell him now, i didn't want to be a bitch and throw my problems at him. i had to do the right thing.

"try asking her on a date. maybe once you two have something proper, it'll all just fall into place." i offered a smile, it was a half one.

"thanks bambi." he threw his arms around me, giving me a hug. it took me by surprise but in seconds, i hugged him back. it was warm and comforting but at the same time, it was upsetting and heartbreaking. this was the friend zone, not a mutual feeling.

"you're welcome." i said, hugging him a little tighter.

"you're also a good hugger." he chuckled as he rose to his feet. i put an awkward expression on my face as i gave him a small wave, as he went to the door, grinning from ear to ear. i bet he felt more confident with his relationship with lake.

with the closing of the door, i felt my eyes begin to well up in tears and i began to weep. i wish i could convey all these stupid damn emotions for that stupid boy. what did i do to deserve this? is it because i hurt him in the past and it was my way of lashing out on him? did i like him years ago and just wasn't admitting to myself? gee, i wish i fucking knew!

i ran into my bathroom and looked at my reflection, seeing the mess that i had become, complete with mascara running to my chin. uh oh, i fucked it up again. is there anything i could do right? seriously, i first make him feel like shit years ago and now, i wasn't being honest with him.

i'm not sure if was me being impulsive or just pure anger but i decided to pull out an old box of blonde hair dye, one that my mom probably used, and began to apply it to my hair. after all, felix likes blondes and lake is blonde and lake is little miss perfect.

keep applying it, bambi. we want him to like us.

about an hour or so later, my brunette hair was highlighted with blonde streaks. the spiral had begun.

author's note!

hey.. how we doing?