A Lost & Stubborn Middle (HS) [BOOK II]

14. That's Not Easy

Chapter Fourteen.
Anastasia's Point Of View:

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I could not believe Alice would go against my wishes and tell the family. Not only did she tell them, she decided to do it so suddenly and without even warning me first. I understand her fear and how she was trying to look after her family, but in her mental state she's taking all the destructive ways of going about the situation come to life. I didn't want to argue with her, I didn't want to be angry at her-- I didn't even know what I really wanted besides getting out of the house and having Harry next to me.

I didn't want to be alone for once in my life when I was going through these overwhelming feelings. I didn't fear he would runaway once he seen how screw up I am, he already knew that and he's still here.

"You want to talk about it now?" Harry inquires as we sit on the rocks over looking the beautiful calm lake.

The sun's rays reflects in sparkles of light on the water and his wrap arms around me along with the back of my head resting on his chest makes me feel more calm in this alluring setting.

"I don't really know what to say. Everything just changed so quickly I am still processing it. I know they're going to reach out to the department and have them take precautions, but I am leaving in two days. What if he does finds them and I am not there and so he decides to torture them to find me?" My hands start to shake on my knees.

"He doesn't know where you live, he doesn't know anything about you-"

"But the town does. My writing pieces were public, my parents are even known in this town. All he has to do is ask them about me and come up with some sympathetic story and he will find me just like that." I snap my fingers.

"What if he's changed?" Harry dares to ask, seeming to be cautious.

"He hasn't."

"How do you know? He's been in prison for so long and if they let him out early on a count of what he did then something has to be changed. Anyone else in his position would have a lifetime sentence." He continues and I feel my anger rising.

"He's not going to all of sudden come into my life and just make amends with me Harry. Even if that was the case, I want nothing to do with him and want us to be states apart between us. Even that is too close."

"I am not saying you should try to build a relationship with him nor am I saying even talk to the guy. I am just suggesting that maybe he has changed and maybe he won't be coming after you the way you're assuming."

"From what life has thrown at me and how hard the universe has made things for me, I don't believe that's the case. That would be a miracle if I got out that easy about my father." I scoff, still bitter that I can't ever seem to catch a break.

"Well, you can either sit here and worry about every single possible way your father is going to harm you and your loved ones, before he's even actually done anything, or you can choose to enjoy these moments with your loved ones and don't let him take that away from you. You still give him so much power." Harry says and I sit up straight, wanting some space.

"That's not easy." I sigh.

"Of course it's not, but as long as it's not impossible to do then that shouldn't be a reason for you not to try."

"How do you stop thinking?" I groan and he lightly laughs at me.

"I love you," He leans over to kiss my cheek.

"I love you," I reply with a small smile before looking back at the lake.

I knew Harry was right. I have been giving my father so much power over my life, all my life, even when he's been away. I used all that time soaked in trauma and fear and being stuck, when I should have been building and growing. Now, he's here and I am just barely at a good place with myself and my life. Since it's still so new that means its vulnerable and vulnerability can be destructed so easily by the wars of life.