A Lost & Stubborn Middle (HS) [BOOK II]

8. This Isn't Right

Chapter Eight.
Anastasia's Point of View:

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Dear Harry,

It's been a long time since I have written you a letter. I guess being around you after three years have cued the habit of needing to express myself to you, but never finding the words to tell you in person. Which there's some sort of irony in writing to you, which are a bunch of words, and being able to write a book of what I want to say to you. I think I'll burn this letter after I am done writing, not wanting it to see the light of day. I have a boyfriend, I shouldn't be writing to a lost lover, but I can't help myself.

You always bring me such inspiration in my writings, you have always been my muse. It use to be the horrors of my parents trauma they inflicted on me, but the moment you walked past me in the hallway and I caught sight of those beautiful green eyes and those curls, you took their place. You have broken me and completed me all the same, unknowingly and not purposely. Is wrong of me to miss you so much?

I miss everything about you. I miss the way you smiled at me when we were both in the process of falling in love. I miss the way you touched me like I would break but also with such bravery. I miss the way you would hold me and almost glued me back together. I miss the way I felt when the worlds "I love you" escaped your red lips in the middle of that bedroom. I miss the way you would hide your child like laugh. I miss the way we almost had a beautiful love story.

I know I shouldn't Harry. I am with Zayn and he makes me happy, but I do. I miss you so much and being near you now makes the urges of those things that I miss so tempting to fill. But I am scared. I am scared that if I take a leap and risk everything I have built thus far for myself, it will all come crumbling down the minute it all settles in. What if we can't love each other right? What if there's always going to be something in the way? What if it's meant to be this way?

We have grown a lot, but not enough. We are better, but we're not great. We have so much to learn and the timing of us seems to always be pushed on hold. So that has to mean that we're not meant to be. Right?

"Hey," I jump in my bed as Harry walks in.

His eyes stares at my notebook that was hidden from him and looks back at me. "I'm sorry, I knocked but I guess you didn't hear me."

I look down at the paper that my handwriting filled and place the cap back on my pen. "It's okay, this wasn't that good anyways."

"I know you're wrong," He says and I give him a smile.

"So you go back in three days?" He inquires as he walks towards his bed.

The party was yesterday and we opened our presents right when the guest left. My parents bought me a beautiful gold necklace that had diamonds installed in it, costing more than I can imagine, and also a new journal and nice pens for me to write more in. Anastasia bought me some clothes, that were more her style, but I will still make sure to wear when she's around so she doesn't think I abandoned her gift. It was nice to be with my family and we talked and laughed until around 3. This whole day I have been laying low and just allowing the small hangover and my tired body to just rest.

I haven't seen Harry all day.

"Yes," I nod.

"Are you excited to get back?"