Beyond The Fury

Chapter Eight

(Song- Bad At Love by Halsey)
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Hardin's POV

Who needs cocaine when human emotions can fuck you up just the same?

I didn't plan on caring for this girl this much. I feel the need to protect her from the things she can't see- the things she can't know about..

She is like a dove. My dove. Just like a dove she seems to be full of light and innocence, but there is something else about her that I can't put my finger on. The way she looks at me shows that she's not all pure.

She makes me feel things I no longer believe in.

Here I am, standing like a rabid monster in the dark. It's ironic, really. To be standing here and to be shown as what I truly am- a horrid beast, a monster.. a murderer.

It's almost enough to make me laugh. Almost.

My throat tightens as it becomes unforgivingly dry and my eyes catch sight of Ivory's dress that sparkles beneath a shred of light that manages to slice up the darkness in her apartment.

She stands barefooted by the front door, her skin is dripping with freezing cold water. Her nipples stand in hard peaks beneath the fabric of her dress and my eyes subconsciously roll to the back of my head as sinful thoughts fill my mind.

My insides clench, the things I would do to this girl if she allowed me are unspeakable.

Over the years I have became highly skilled in many things.. ducking from security cameras, avoiding main entrances where deemed possible, being crafty when it comes to 'disposals' and last but not least- picking locks..

Which has lead me here. My dark hair is soaked down onto my forehead, the smell of damp transmits from my rain submerged clothes and my feet squelch horribly in my shoes.

My mind begins to race with undetermined thoughts on how I can handle this situation. Usually witnesses are taken care of- killed off.. but not her. I can't do that to her. I don't know what it is that has me so pathetically hooked on this girl. If only she knew how much those little moments we have shared matter to me.

I'm so scared of letting her in.. of letting anyone in for that matter. Afraid of looking weak and being vulnerable in a world where kindness and love are mistaken for helplessness and failure. I don't want to hurt anyone else with the darkness that lurked deep within my hollow being. I can't control it, it's the way I am. It's who I am. But that's not to say I wanted to be this way.. pain changes people.

Once upon a time, as unbelievable as it is I used to be a little boy with hope in his eyes and a cheeky smile. Look at me now, blood and bruises.

An idea springs to mind, hitting me like a sucker punch to the stomach. From the second it enters my train of thought I knew it was a bad idea- but it is a distraction. A small devilish smirk appears on my face and I feel my own eyes darken and gloss over with desire.

I promised myself that I would not be that guy. That I wouldn't become some sex driven maniac when it comes to beautiful females. But this isn't just some pretty girl, this is Ivory.

Upon hearing my voice I see her begin to cower under my intense gaze. My head spins, drunk on both the authority I hold and the tinge of whisky that slithers through my veins. My jaw clenches tightly as I stand from where I am sat in the ill-lit, open plan kitchen.

Hesitantly my shoes begin to scrape along the hard wood floor until I am stood mere inches from Ivory, her sweet perfume engulfs my senses in nothing but euphoria.

My finger tips come up to softly stroke against her tear stained cheek, our eyes lock. I make sure to handle her gently, for she is everything good- everything I am not.

I tell myself that this will be easy. That once I fuck her it is done. That I will be able to walk away from this bar tender and never look back.. that I can use pleasure and passion to divert her attention away from the fact that she just watched a homicide unfold in front of her very eyes. Part of me knew that whatever is to come won't go away so easily, that this girl obviously means more to me than sex.. but I always do choose to ignore rational reasoning.

"Where are your shoes, Dove?" I lift a brow. My tone is teasing and playful.

"I.. uhm.." She contemplates her answer, her mouth snaps shut as she gazes up at me, "Why are you here, Hardin?" She feistily bites back to my question, her face hardens with concentration.

"The same as you. Running. But I'm not running from what I did whereas you are.. aren't you, Ivory?" I gently push her back against the wall, I hear her breath hitch. The sound makes me want to groan however I contain it.

Before she has time to think of a lie I interrupt her thoughts, "You saw what I did, didn't you?" I push the subject further and bring my mouth close to the shell of her ear as I easily tower over her.

"I never really learned how to just like something- I always let it consume me." I drag on, my breath is now fanning against the exposed skin of her neck, "And if you keep looking at me like that, with those eyes.. I might just have to kiss you." I gulp and pull away so my eyes are blazing into hers.

"And I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop." I finally admit and my chest trembles as I take in a deep breath. A lightness crawls it's way into my rib cage as the words emit past my busted, blood stained lips. It feels good to finally tell the truth for once..

And just like that I kiss her. Without permission, without hesitation- without even fully deciding to do it.. because in that moment it's simply what I have to do. I need the breath caught in her throat. It's mine and I want it back.

The kiss obliterates every thought. For the first time in a long time I am locked in the present. No fear of the past nor the future.. just stuck in 'the now.' The worries of the day evaporate like a summer shower sprinkling down  onto the hood of a hot car. Drunk on endorphins my only desire is to touch her. To kiss her until my lungs give out.

I want to feel the perfect softness of her skin beneath her dress.. this kiss is a beginning, a promise of more wonderful things to come.