Beyond The Fury

Chapter Thirty-Four

(Song- Can't Get Enough By Kat Leon, NOCTURN)
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Hardin's POV

"Trust me, Ivory, if I could love you I would. I'm just... not ready. After everything that has happened between the both of us, I can't bare to think about this, us, going any further. I would rather you be safe and far away from me then be in constant danger just so I could be selfish enough to be able to hold you close to me." Our discussion hasn't taken long to turn from sweet to bitter and the look on Ivory's face is causing my heart to crumble inside of my chest. She looks so tired... so defeated.

This is what needs to happen. I need to let her go, I need her to be safe... images of her bruised and bloody flash into my mind and I pull away from her body quickly, hitting flush against the wall I stare at her with wide eyes.

I won't allow that to ever happen again.

"I-i don't fucking care what you think is best for me because you are what's best for me, Hardin!" Her blue eyes are set ablaze and a angry and confused frown curves her lips downwards, "I would rather die than have to leave you... I would rather be tortured and scarred than have to even imagine a life without you." She is breathless now, and desperate. All I want to do is pull her to my chest and never let her go...

"You don't understand." I remain as calm as I can, we both don't have to be shouting right now. My voice is low, I think I may be whispering, and my gaze is focused on the floor of Tina's apartment.

"Yes I do! I do understand! It's you that doesn't understand!" She takes a single step towards me and I finally drag my gaze back to her and my stomach clenches with sorrow, "Why won't you listen to me?" Ivory is no longer shouting, but she is sobbing, and I feel helpless. She has no idea how dangerous this game can be, I don't want her to be a pawn in it.

"I am, baby, I am... but this is complicated." I keep my body far from hers, maybe if I can create enough distance between us then our connection will falter and fail?

"I don't care about the danger! We can face it together!" A hopefulness flashes through her eyes and I feel even more shitty about this whole situation.

"To kill both you and me, there would only ever have to be one bullet." A single tear streaks down my face. My words are thick and I can feel the lump in my throat beginning to grown again. What I said is true, because if she were to die, I wouldn't be able to go on with my life without her. Day in and day out it would be endless suffering. And if I were to die, I would like to think that she would feel the exact same way.

So not matter what we do, no one wins.

"I don't want to lose you." She croaks and I watch closely as she bring her sleeve up to wipe at her runny red nose, "Please don't leave me."

"I wish things could be different..." I can't ignore the aggressive tug on my heart strings, it's like there is this invisible force pulling me towards her and I can't fight it. I need to feel her close to me... one last time.

I tread towards her carefully and pull her flush against my chest. She sobs into my t-shirt and I bury my nose into the crown of her head. The familiar scent of her shampoo provides me with some sort of comfort and I melt inside.

We will have our happy ending, but for now I just need her to be safe...

"All the things I love about you, they weren't meant for me to love." I lie. I lie through my fucking teeth because she deserves a pretty lie rather than the ugly truth. I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with me. No one else. Not some other guy... just me.

"You'll forget about me... you'll be happy." I say and that is when my heart shatters. I physically feel all the pieces splintering to the bottomless pit inside of me. I won't love another like I love her, and I hope she waits for me... I hope she doesn't forget.

"I'll never forget you. Never." She grips onto me tighter and I feel the fabric of my t-shirt being stretched between her fingertips. I don't think I have the strength to pry away from her embrace, but one of us have too and I know that it is certainly not going to be me.

"How long..." she mutters and I glance down at her, my fingers come to gently stroke her hair and I clench my jaw to stop a sob from bubbling up from my throat, "How long will I have to wait for you?" She repeats and I shake my head.

"I don't know." I finally reply and my shoulders shudder at the weight of my own words. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.. so much harder.

"Whatever it takes... I'll wait for you, Hardin..." Her voice is slightly muffled by my chest but I have never heard anything so clearly in my life, "I'll wait forever if that is what I need to do."

I plant a firm kiss onto her forehead and I keep my lips pressed there for a moment or so before I finally take a step away from Ivory.

"I love you." I truthfully say all whilst staring into her bloodshot eyes. She smiles, a sad smile, and says, "I love you, Hardin Scott."