DELUSIONS

Chapter 5

*Song for the chapter~ idontwannabeyouanymore*

'' I just wish you could feel what u say''

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                                               Emily P.O.V

I went back home it was almost time for dinner. Honestly I lost all my appetite after today's session. I told my parents that I wasn't hungry and I silently went to my room. I didn't feel like doing anything so I simply lay on my bed. I don't know how but I slowly drifted to sleep

(Dream)

I was in my math class and as usual I was bored. I was just doodling in my book when I felt someone sit next to me. I looked to the side and saw that it was Dylan. I rolled my eyes and continued doodling. He always spoke to me when I was alone. He never noticed me in the school corridors or during any school event. It was almost like I was his second choice.

He nudged me a few times but I didn't mind him. I continued doodling and started making a pattern. I looked up and saw that the teacher wasn't in class.

''Are mad at me or something?'' he asked boringly.

''No I'm not''

''Why are you ignoring me Emily?''

Ha the audacity of this guy

''Shouldn't I be asking that?'' I replied.

''What?'' he asked in confusion.

''Oh please, you act as if you don't know me in front of your other friends, but whenever you're in class you're suddenly interested in me'' I yelled at him. He was surprised by my outburst.

''Are you ok Emily?'' a third voice spoke.

I looked in the front and saw Natasha looking at me and then looking at Dylan ''weirdly''

''It's nothing.'' I told her and gathered my things. After giving him one last look I left the class. I came out and sighed. I stared walking towards my favourite place. The library.

I silently entered the library and to my disappointment my favourite person wasn't in here. I silently went and sat near the window. The weather was windy and calm just the way I like it.

''I'm not surprised that you're here'' I heard his annoying voice.

''What do you want Dylan?''

He sat across me but I ignored him and looked out the window. I wasn't going to let him ruin the weather for me.

''Emily look at me'' he commanded. His voice held so much authority.

I obeyed and looked up to him. I always seem to be getting lost in those chocolate eyes.

''I'm sorry for ignoring you-''

''Drop it Dylan'' I interrupted him. I wasn't interested in listening to him

He held my hand ''I would never forget about---

(Dream endss)

I woke up abruptly. ''It was just a dream.'' I repeated over and over again.

Emily he would never want a girl like you

Why are you wasting your time in thinking about him.

Why are you wasting your time at all no one likes you.

They all just leave you anyways.

Dylan, Susan, your family. They don't care about you.

I frustratingly got out of my bed and walked towards my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was not a beauty in anyone's eyes. No one wrote poems for me. No one saved a seat for me. No one wanted to hang out with me. I looked harder maybe if I found something I could change.

My short dark hair had lost their charm, my eyes had lost their spark and now all I could see was darkness in them. I had a very weird nose. I hated what I was seeing.

I saw a hairbrush right beside the sink. I thought of combing my hair, so I took it but when I saw my reflection in the mirror I got angry. I threw the comb towards the mirror and screamed. Half of the glass was still on the wall, half of it was on the ground.

Look at you, so pathetic.

You're not smart, you're not beautiful, you're not different from the others.

You're not enough.

And you know that.

I sighed and looked down at the broken glass they were so much like me. Shattered, wasted, useless. I was just tired with these voices lately. They are true though. I just wanted all of this to stop. I picked up a piece of glass.

Do it Emily... end this...

One cut.. you know you want to..

I was so close to doing it. I suddenly heard the front door open and close. I looked at my hand. It was bleeding a little. I threw the piece in the garbage can and looked at myself in the mirror, well what was left of it anyways.

You're a coward Emily.

You disgust me

''But I am you'' I reasoned with the voice.

Exactly *snickers*

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It got a little intense didn't it?

I knoww it's not that good. But that's some of the darkk  thingss I feel sometimes.

Take care and if you ever need to talk don't hesitate to PM!!!!!!

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On a brighterr notee thisss chapter is dedicateddd to thecosmos__ . First of all thank you soo muchhh for sort of giving me a push to updatee... I'm gladdd I metttt youuu!!! Online classes would be boring without you all!!!!! Alsoo I hopee you are doinggg welll!!!!