Without Words

8- Move On

I opened my eyes and saw the familiar surroundings of my room. I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes as I try to orient myself to reality. I saw a basket of mini muffins on my bedside table with a card and a pop out of Thor in it.

Guess you won't be touching Thor's Hammer now. Get some beauty sleep and see you at school.

-K, T, L

I groaned in shame and embarrassment, took one muffin then collapsed on bed, munching on the yummy goodness. I was thinking of calling my friends to know how much humiliation I am in and if damage control was possible when a soft knock interrupted me.

"Eliza, are you awake?"

"Come in, mom." I sat up from bed, noticing my clothes were changed.

"Your friends visited you after your brother brought you home."

"Oh." I mumbled, certain that Matt was forced to take me home and he would blame me for it later. "What happened exactly?"

She sighed, disappointment and disapproval in her eyes as she sat beside me on bed. "The school called saying my son got into a fist fight while my daughter fainted from an electric shock."

Wow, the Forbes siblings know how to make headlines.

I cringed, looking a bit guilty for my clumsiness. "I was in an obstacle course- which was apparently riddled with booby traps."

"Why would your brother get in a fight with Daniel?"

Oh, she was more concerned with Matt. I frowned. "From what I heard, they aren't exactly on good terms."

"But they haven't been violent with each for a long time. Until you-"

"It isn't my fault, mom." Which is true. It was Matt's fault for insulting me.

Mom didn't appreciate my interruption. She was about to chastise me when her eye caught the pictured frame I have of my dad. Like a switch, her stare hardened and her entire demeanor turned harsh. "I wasn't there with you for those five years, Eliza. I didn't know how Charles raised you."

I gripped my blankets and resisted the urge to scowl at her. "Dad raised me just fine. It's Matt that has to put a rein on his temper."

"Well, that did get worse when your father left. Hard to stay calm when your own father left you."

I gritted my teeth and fell on my bed, my back facing mom, signaling I didn't want this conversation to continue anymore. "I need to rest."

"Eliza." Mom continued, her tone mixed with reprimand and accusation. "I am sad about Charles' death but he did break this family. It's only now that we're getting things back together. I just hope that you won't cause any more trouble and mess up the progress we've been having."

What progress does she see exactly mean? As far as I'm concerned, the people in this house barely talk much less interact with each other.

"Whatever you want to believe, he was still my dad. I don't think you should talk to him like that." I mumbled softly, trying to make her understand my feelings.

"Like what? Like he didn't single handedly destroyed my life, reputation and family." She raised her voice a bit and I felt my bed shift. "She took my daughter away from me and if I didn't act fast, he would have gotten Matt too."

I sat up and looked at her, shocked. "You know he wouldn't do that. What kind of person do you think he is?"

"A selfish one." She said coldly, glancing at the picture frame scornfully then to me. "I just hope you don't get that from him."

I shook my head, not believing this conversation. "He isn't-"

"Let's not talk about Charles, Eliza." This time, she cut me off. She turned her hardened stare to me, her voice cold and resolute. "We're moving on and that includes not mentioning him again. Put his picture aside and let him be just a distant memory. We need to start over. He destroyed your life too, made your own brother hate you and your friends forget about you. He doesn't deserve your grief."

...........

I didn't go out the whole day. Mom brought me dinner but I just stayed in bed. I feel sick after my conversation with her. She actually made me promise not to talk about dad while I'm in here. I wasn't good with pretending and frankly, I couldn't handle the hypocrisy.

It was midnight when it hit me. A huge throbbing pang in my chest, like it was constricting me from the inside out, these days it comes so suddenly and unexpectedly but tonight was even worse.

I miss my dad.

I'm okay on most days but on rare occasions, I just get these kinds of episodes. A sudden wave of sadness and pain associated with any memory I have of dad. I curled myself into a ball, hugged my pillow tightly and let the emotions spill out of me. I heard the heartbreaking sobs coming out and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to control them so no one would hear me. But this is just an off day, nothing seems to work for me. I grabbed my blankets and wrapped myself around it tightly, biting the pillows to muffle my sobs and whimpers, hands clutching my chest as I called out for my dad, wanting him to take me home, to come back to me.

I didn't know how long this episode lasted but I was sweaty and panting after. I removed the blankets and laid sprawled eagled on bed, trying to calm my breathing. A few moments passed when I heard a soft knock at the door. I immediately turned to my side as it opened.

"I brought you some water, thought you might need it." It was surprisingly Matt.

"Thanks." I managed to croak out, not liking the hoarseness in my voice. I don't want him to see me in this state or to know that I've been crying. I kept my back to him, hoping he wouldn't notice. "I also heated some of the muffins Katelyn brought, if you'd like some."

"Ok."

"Good."

This is awkward. How did it end up like this between my brother and me? We used to spend the whole day together and not be bored, enjoying each other's company. The person I can't go on a day without, my one and only big brother, best friend and protector. My favorite person in the world. And it feels so f*cking awkward when he gives me a glass of water and muffin.

Silence stretched then he cleared his throat. "I'll go now. Get some rest, Elle."