Without Words

11- My Friend

"I knew the day would be interesting when I saw you with a beret." Dan lightly teased as I glowered at him.

"You could have told me sooner."

"And miss that spectacle." He shook his head, a smirk plastered on his annoyingly chiseled jaw. "What would you have done at poor Simon anyway?"

"I'm not sure you should know." I huffed, staring at the window as we passed the familiar road home.

After I talked to Katelyn and Luca, they apologized profusely to Simon and Abigail, as well as the kids who still looked wary at them. Simon promised he would talk to Tabi and as an apology, we also promised to sell some cookies to help their troop. Turns out, their troops name is Atomic Foxes (not a very good name) and their biggest rival is Graceful Ninjas (who comes up with these names?) and they need to surpass their quotas of cookies to sell this year.

Dan offered to give me a ride home while Katelyn and Luca deals with damage control. Tabi found out what we did. She realized there wasn't really a garage sale and she spent her day digging out old clothes and knick knacks for nothing.

"Monday would be interesting if you'll actually sell those cookies in school."

"Of course I would." I said indignantly. We ordered twenty boxes and I'm confident we could sell all of it by the end of the week. "I always keep my promises."

"Except those you made to me." His voice turned deep as his eyes focused on the road. "Do you still even remember those?"

I bit my lip, turning away from him.

"Ignoring me, Elle?"

"I thought you're going to be indifferent to me?"

"Hard to when you're going around causing trouble." That phrase again, I suddenly remembered my conversation with mom. "I was minding my business in the boot camp and park."

"Then maybe you should just ignore me to make things easier." I said sharply, not wanting to get into an argument with him. "Move on because apparently, everything I bring is just excess baggage no one wants to deal with."

We turned on the next street as a realization hit me. I closed my eyes in frustration, remembering its Saturday today. Andy and Sophie will be at the house making food, watching movies, hanging out or whatever it is they do when they all know I'm not going to be around. I usually just stay over at Katelyn's at this time but they were busy with Tabi that I forgot.

"Can you drop me off at the café near here?" I said evenly, trying to control my voice and not let the frustration show. I'm trying to hide from my own family.

"You're hungry again?" We all ate some hotdogs at the park a while ago after reining my friends' anger in. It was hard work and Dan was not at all helpful.

"I want coffee."

"We're almost home-"

"I just need to be outside for a while." I cut him off then realized I was being rude. I am the one who's a free passenger here. "Please, I just need a moment alone."

He nodded then turned right as the café neared. I removed my seatbelt and opened the car door, it was locked.

"What-"

"I know I said I'm going to be indifferent." Dan started, staring ahead of the road, not glancing at me.

"You're not doing a very good job."

"It's because I've moved on from the fact that you didn't want anything to do with us." He said coldly, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

I sat back at my seat and frowned. "You know that's not true."

"Not writing back or answering our calls." He chuckled dryly. "We were thirteen, Elle, not dumb. We took the hint."

I bit my lip. Somehow, I think going home to see Andy and Sophie would be better than having this conversation with him. "I thought you all knew me better than that."

"And I thought you coming back would finally give us answers but we're getting none from you so far."

"I'm not planning on explaining myself anytime soon."

"You don't regret it, do you?" He finally looked at me. His blue eyes full of accusation but at the same time, I saw vulnerability in them. "You left all of a sudden without saying goodbye. Did it even occur to you what we felt that day? Or those five years waiting for just a word or glimpse of you, do you even know how it feels to wait for someone who apparently doesn't give a crap about you despite what she said she would be?"

"You act as if I l was rejoicing for those five years!" I retorted back, my emotions getting the best of me. "I never regretted leaving but that doesn't mean I like it. I was just as devastated as you all were."

"Then why didn't you come back sooner?"

"I can't." I screamed, a different kind of frustration filling me. "I had to make a choice and-"

"And you abandoned us."

"You're not letting me explain."

"Fine, then." Removing his seatbelt, he turned his full attention to me, his determined eyes waiting for an explanation. "Let's hear it. Go on."

"Are you playing with me right now?" I asked in annoyance, facing his stare head on. Dan and I rarely get in fights when we were kids and when we do, he's always the one who concedes. "I thought you're going to be indifferent and move on. This doesn't look like moving on to me."

"I've come with peace with the fact you left but that doesn't erase the fact that for those years you were here, you were MY friend!" He raised his voice, breathing harshly as he stared angrily at me, as if he's blaming me that a part of him, a big part, still cared.

I looked down, feeling exhausted, trying to control the tears threatening to fall. "It wasn't easy for me too, Danny. God, I wanted to go home so badly. I wanted to see you and everyone. I want to answer your question...but, I-I can't"

"That's not an explanation, nor an answer."

"I know."