Just One More Cup Of Coffee, Please...

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"it's been days since I last updated my notes... yes I am still alive. my throat uncut, my chest not sliced opened. I don't know if she'll ever come to finish the job, but this waiting's really killing me. I have been having the same nightmare over & over. I just want it to stop! should I really end it myself or should I just continue on living like this?

I recently got a text message from her... and she's coming for me. I don't know if I should back out or let her do her thing to me. I'm the one who wanted out. I've been living the same nightmare every time I fall asleep. if you want a recap of it, then I'll describe it full detail again. 

my nightmare starts off ordinarily as I start my day lining up for the newly opened coffee shop

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my nightmare starts off ordinarily as I start my day lining up for the newly opened coffee shop. as I receive my coffee, which happens to be a regular, and going through my daily routine, a group of people approach me and asked me to be part of some commercial. things slowly becoming odd from that moment. I lost count of how many times I have repeated doing the exact same thing over and over again before I realized that I could change my actions bit by bit...

but no matter what I do, I always end up in a bloodied mess in my nightmare. I'll first tell you of the usual routine before I even knew that I could at least control a little of my fate. the first time started off with me ordering a regular coffee in the newly opened coffee shop that has attracted local attention within my area. 

I got my coffee and went on my daily business, then I got approached by these group of people who slowly become obsessed with me. (I had described the detailed version in my earlier notes) so reading through that. the next thing I knew, it jumps into another scenario of me being tied up. my throat ends up horizontally cut and my chest vertically sliced opened. as if I were dissected. 

so that's what I dream of every single day, and each experience felt like a loop. I was like watching my own death over and over again. same routine. of course I tried something different. tried avoiding those strangers in my dream too and what happens to me? the same thing. I get clothed, falls unconscious, same scenario. my throat is cut, and my chest sliced opened. 

I don't even know if any of these has any connection to my real life experiences, or maybe I am just looping over and over again. although if that were the case, then how am I here expecting my psychotic girlfriend from finishing the job at any moment? this is all too confusing...

 although if that were the case, then how am I here expecting my psychotic girlfriend from finishing the job at any moment? this is all too confusing

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