My Memory (PLEASE DON'T READ!MAJOR EDITING GOING ON!)

εννέα-nine

I can quite spot the outline of the smoking volcano where Natsume resides. The sun is already setting, I noted to myself. I flew faster, though the strong gush of wind is making my face sting I continued flying in this pace.

Nearly landing on land I swerved up and flapped my wings gently before stepping on the ground and folding my wings. The strong force of the wind stirred by my wings made the surrounding plants bend.

"Natsume!" I called out to him.  I waited for a moment, receiving no response my heart slammed fast in my chest. Calm down Ruka.He told you he's just gonna be here believe him Ruka. I quickly went to the place where I saw him earlier but still no signs of him.

"Natsume!" Worried and panicking I closed my eyes and feel my surroundings for his presence.

I opened my eyes. "He's not here." My eyes widened. He didn't go there right? It's too dangerous! The mind might not remember but the heart and body will. Natsume don't make the same mistake again.

*****************

"I'm sorry and thank you Natsume!" She smiled brightly at me and skipped past me.

"Whatever." I mumbled. I followed her outside the hut with my hands in my pockets and head low getting cautious with my surroundings slowly having many people passing by unlike earlier, I guess they're already heading home it's getting dark. My gaze followed her distancing figure. She's in a pretty good mood huh. She stopped in her tracks before breathing in air then turned to my direction.

"Really Natsume thank you! And sorry for earlier, with that carriage thing, though you just saved me I just....ehehehe."

"It's nothing." I replied monotonously.

"Oh right!"she clapped her hands. "Let's thank ojii-chan together for helping us out."

I shrugged my shoulders in reply. She skipped happily towards the old man while I just followed her behind. She said her thanks and bowed to him to show her gratitude. She smiled widely then turned to me and gave me a confused look.

I raised an eyebrow."What?"

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you also pay your respects to him? Why are you just standing there like you're someone high and mighty? Like a god." She asked  confusedly.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. If you only knew idiot, I'm a god for Pete's sake and if you're debating because of age for your information I'm hundreds of years older than him though I don't look like it. I just stood there not doing anything and gave her a smug look while mouthing to her "No, I won't."

She gave me a stern look. She suddenly and forcefully pulled me to bend down. Stunned I wasn't able to react. After raising our heads and her bidding goodbye to that old man. She dragged me out of his property.

Recovering from my shock I pulled my hand out of her grasp."What the hell Polka!" I shouted angrily.

"Hey! What are you getting angry for?" She snapped back, confused and also stopped walking. We gave each other angry stares.

"Yo-you made me....... UNBELIEVABLE!" I exclaimed unable to express what I want to express.

"Wait. You. Are. Mad. At. ME because I made you bow to him?" She asked while pointing at the direction of the lowly old man's house. "Seriously? If you didn't do it, it's a sign of disrespect! You were almost being disrespectful!"

"Me disrespectful?!" I asked unbelievably. What they did to me is already a big insult and is equal to a heavy punishment from a god! They are the ones disrespecting me! Feeling like I'm about to explode from anger and insult, something just suddenly awoke inside of me. Fuming with anger I wasn't able to stop speaking out my thoughts. "It is I who feels disrespected! You! Made me do things that I shouldn't being doing and made me experience what those lowly humans shouldn't be doing to me!" I roared at her my voice very deep different from my normal one. I saw her trembling under my gaze, her face pale and the look on her face like she's about to cry.

I snapped back to reality. Wha-what just happened? "Fire! Fire!" I heard someone scream. People came running towards us. No it's more like they're running to the direction we came from. I turned around and saw the old man's house burning.

I heard a small thud and saw her sitting on the ground stunned and unmoving.

"I- I didn't mean to do it." I said in a whisper. People continued to scream and run in different directions bumping at her and me. My breathing became heavy, my head started to ache and my vision started to blur and swirl. Images of the war 5 years ago started flooding my mind. I wanted to hear more. Scream louder.

"Scream louder." No. No that's wrong Natsume. Hold yourself together don't get carried away. My chest started to tighten, I gripped my chest.

*chirp*chirp*

I tried to focus my vision on the tiny thing flying infront of me. A small blue bird. "Natsume."

It talks. Am I hallucinating?"Natsume!" It talked again. Wait, that voice seemed familiar though it's tiny but I'm sure I know that voice. Getting dizzy, I can't control my body well and I feel like falling. "Natsume this way!"

"Ruka." I groggily followed him out of the place and back deep into the forest where we met earlier.

I slumped myself under the nearest tree. I heard a small poof and saw Ruka back in his human form walking toward me. "I didn't mean to do it. It just suddenly... went out." I managed to choke out.

"I know. Thank goodness I was on time. I don't want to imagine what would've happened if I was not able to find you quickly." He replied while breathing hard."

"What about that village and the people there." What will happen to Mikan?

"Don't worry I managed to contact Hosshan."

"Hosshan? You mean Hoshio? The god of rain..... or storm whatever you call it." Ruka nodded and as if on cue a rain not a strong one but a gentle one poured.

I stared up at the orange dyed sky. The black smoke coming from the fire slowly subsided.

I closed my eyes and sighed in relief. "We should rest for a moment." I weakly opened my eyes and nodded at Ruka before closing my eyes again.

But instead of being able to rest and relax myself. I only saw images of her. My chest started to constrict. I can't believe it, I blew off because of something so small. I just don't want to feel so small that's all. Ever since that happened, I feel very small and weak like I don't have the right to exist in this world. But even so I knew within myself that that's not enough reason. I just lost control of myself again. Did something like this  happened before? I don't know I can't remember all of it. I can only remember the fear and pain I gave not only to the people here but also to other gods. I can feel guilt slowly growing inside me again.

"I'm sorry."