Locket |kellic; boyxboy|

Dreadful Morning

(Vic POV)

I hummed, furrowing my eyebrow as the sun hit my eyes. I wasn't awake because of the sun though. Something was on me. I looked around and noticed Kellin wasn't next to me, and I was more freaked out than I'd care to admit. As the sleep wore off of my mind, things got clearer.

There was a dreadful noise around me, crying or sniffling. Maybe both. My arm was terribly hot and it was burning so bad I nearly cried out right then. I lowered my head and my heart reached my throat, causing it to close and my breathing to stop momentarily. My head went light, feeling strangely heavy on my neck and shoulders. Kellin was laid between my legs, his head buried against me, and his back was heaving.

He was rubbing his cheek against my arm, my eyes rolling back from the uncomfortable heat it was producing. My instinct kicked in and I pried my arm away, now fully awake and full of adrenaline. I shove him away from me, and he falls off the bed. I wince when his body thumps against the ground.

"Vic, what is--why--what--?"

"Stop it." I said, sitting at the top of the bed, arms wrapped around my knees. My heart was pounding and I was so damn dizzy. I had never felt that scared all at once. "Why did--"

"I said stop!" I said, louder this time. His face was red, wet and pained looking. However, I didn't want to comfort this time. He had seen the worst part of me and it made me feel sick. What did he see me as now? A freak? Stupid? Crazy? I decided not to speak, to wait until he said something again. "Vic...we have to talk about it. You can't just do that and expect me to not say anything. I want to help, okay?"

I don't reply. I was so scared right now. I was afraid because he'd seen them, and I was scared that he would tell someone, tell my brother. That was my biggest fear. He sat at the edge of the bed, looking at me for approval. I don't answer and he sees it as a greeen light. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I just..." he looked down. "Got up to go to the bathroom and went to kiss your cheek and saw...and..." he stopped and looked at me, as if I was supposed to speak. How could I right now?

"Vic, why did you do that?"

I don't answer. He scoots closer and puts his hand on m thigh. I flinch but don't move; no matter how scared I was at the moment, his touch always calmed me. "Don't be scared, we're just talking." He says as if reading my mind. I nod and lean into his touch a little, relaxing against him. "Why did you do that?" He repeats. I look at my Kellin with his big eyes, his watering eyes, and his flushed cheeks. His shaking hand on my thigh. His lip quivering a little as he spoke.

Guilt washed over me and my cheeks got red. I realy didn't know how to answer really, but I was going to try. My voice shoook but he didn't seem to care, he was listening nonetheless. "Everything got bad. I'm sorry if you're upset, I didn't mean for you to find out. I was so overwhelmed with everything, you know? Mom dying and my dad and trying to be there for Mike because he won't let me help, he's so distant. Like I was when she passed. I felt like I was screwing things up with you, like I was clinging too much. But I needed you and I still do; I don't want to bother you...I di-didn't know what to do."

He nods, rubbing my thigh gently. It felt good to get it off of my chest, even if my throat was dry and my head was pounding with nerves. Would he make me leave now? I looked at him for the answer, but then look away; I was suddenly embarrassed to look at him. "Don't do that," he turns me to face him and I blush madly. "Don't do that." He repeats, quieter this time.

"You are not doing this again, you hear me? I'm not kidding, Vic, I care too much to watch you do this. You mean too much, okay?"

"Okay." I look down, my stomach churning.

We don't speak for a while and it makes my heart ache. We lay back down and he curls behind me, wrapping his arms tightly around me, tighter than usual. It made me feel good in the stressful situation; he always did. It reminded me why I could not live without him, why I loved being with him, around him. Reminded me why I loved him.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No."

"Okay."

He kisses the back of my neck and pulls me tighter against him, rubbing my side comfortingly. "I love you." He says. "And I you. I love you." I say quietly, breathing out. "We'll get better. You're going to get better." He says, and I didn't know if it was directed towards me or if he was assuring himself. Either way, I hoped he was right.

(Kellin's POV)

Why wasn't I there? Was this why he didn't want me to come over that night? Is that what I thought I saw when I put his sweater over his head? All these questions were haunting me as I lay there, holding Vic against my chest. We both knew that I wasn't going to let go any time soon. I needed him agaist me, with me, so I knew he was okay and here and safe with me.

He was sleeping now, breaths slow and shallow, his cheeks still lined with the tears he wouldn't tell me about. I felt so guilty that I hadn't been there for him when he obviously needed me. There had to have been something that I could have done to keep him from doing that. My stomach was still uneasy from the sight.

I had woken up in the middle of the night because I had to use the bathroom. Vic had still been sleeping with his back against my chest, both of us practically melted against one another. I remember wondering how I had gotten so lucky. I lean forward to kiss his head before I went and then I saw the sleeve raised, exposing the irritated skin.

They looked unhealthy. It occured to me that this was his reasoning for wearing a sweater to bed. My heart had sunk down in my stomach as a million questions filled my head. My Vic, my amazing and loving, caring, gentle Vic, had done this to himself and I hadn't been there for him. This made me question everything; had these been hidden since we'd met? It didn't seem possible, but then again, neither did this whole thing with his arms looking like that.

The flesh was red and swollen, irritated from the sweater, dry blood smeared a little. My face went red with emotion and my eyes filled with tears, and I feel my body go limp against him whilst I cry. I lay my head against his arm, not caring how unsanitary it was. I mumbled incoherent things as he shifted around. My heart was aching in my chest and the rest of my body was shaking.

I pry my thoughts away from the memory and kissed his temple, letting my lips linger. He would get better, I just knew it. I was going to help him get passed this and he's never do this again. This was the past now, this was never happening again if I could help it.

I would not let him sink.

And if he did, he was taking me with him, because I refused to let go.

_______

pretty sure this will be the last update for this weekend;
thank you very much for reading.xo

I'll spend this week deciding what to do with this story and whatnot.

Love you all xo