𝙎𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙖 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨

𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤 ☔︎ | 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭

Me and Frank weren't really anything more than just two people fucking, occassionally being each others dates to events but that's all. I knew there were other girls but never took it into mind.

He always kept everything a secret which was logical considering we've known each other for a year and he knows how emotional I can get. I know that he cares it's just that I don't know how much or how far he'll go with me. Why am I thinking about this? Oh right we're at a hangout and I don't even know anyone here so here I am sitting in between the cousins being quiet.

"And remember when this dumbass ate shit after that" frank said laughing his ass off

I giggled to the joke without even knowing what they were talking about. He put his hand on my thigh resting it there, I looked at him and he didn't even budge. Looking dead ahead as if there wasn't a worry, I don't get him at all.

"Hey you okay?" Julian asked
"Yeah! I'm totally fine" I said forcing a smile
"No your not.. what's wrong?" he asked genuinely
"This guy" I nod towards Frank
"Don't worry about him" he smiled
"What's going on?" frank asked leaning over me
"Just checking up on her cuz" julian said getting up

I heard the door open, looking back I seen a group of beautiful girls come in. Dressed in skinny ripped jeans and cropped shirts. I look to my left and Frank was checking them out, licking his lips. Of course I felt hurt... I mean he brought me to this, right?

"Who are they?" Frank asked his friend
"Some girls who went to high school with us" his friend replied
"Are they taken?" frank asked glancing back
"Nah"

Frank removed his hand from my thigh as one of the girls came. Seeing his eyes watch her as she swayed her hips sitting right next to him, checking her out thinking of a way to make a move.

He moved away from me putting his arm over her making conversation, she was digging it playing his little game. I looked away staring inside my red cup that I held.

Is this really how I want to be? Sad because the guy I fuck with doesn't want me? Although he literally says he has other girls... and his friends call him a dog? We need to step up our game jaz.

I look at them once more.... both laughing their asses off as he looks at her with a certain look. I sigh to myself and get up... walking out the door and sitting on the porch. We can't cry at a hang out jaz! Especially if you don't fucking know the people inside.

I look at my phone and call an uber only wanting to escape this place. As soon as it arrived I hopped in, looking out the window as the woman drove me to my house. She was quite quick with it and got me there in minutes without scratching the car nor getting us in an accident.

I thanked her and went inside my house, walking slowly to my room only wanting to cry. I locked my bedroom door and just fell on my bed, staring at the ceiling with only Frank running through my mind. God I'm so fucking stupid for thinking I would be his last relationship and he would actually settle down for me. I'm so stupid!! Such a fucking idiot.... seriously. Frank never even thought of me that way!! Only using me for pleasure and as a toy... god you are such an idiot jaz.

I looked at my phone and seen messages from Julian... I knew if I didn't answer them mf would have a search party after me.

yo
where tf are you?

I left bc frank was being a real dog
so rn I'm at my house
why?

oh fuck sorry about him.
you want me to like idk come over?

No it's fine jul I swear
this is the last time I fuck w frank

that's what you said last time jaz
pls tell me you fucking mean it

I do!!
trust me this once

fine
I trust you jaz

love you

love you too

I put my phone down and just lay on my side staring at the wall. Why does frank always have to break his promises with me in front of me?? Why can it not be like outside or a far distance from me!? It's like he does it intentionally and I hate it.... i hate him for it also.

I mean what the fuck! What do these girls have that I don't? Yeah they might be really pretty, know how to dress, have manners, are sociable, everyone loves them, and on top of that.... they're funny. It's everything I'm not in a sense. Fuck why do I only feel worthless when I'm thinking about Frank??

If I think about myself with literally anyone else they haven't screwed me over like he has! Literally they all praised me for how good of a girlfriend I was!! And they begged for me to come back!!! But.... why? Why with Frank all that means Jack shit? It means nothing!!! I'm a worthless piece of shit when I think about him!! He literally makes me feel so horrible I wish I could leave.... but i can't. He's so addicting I don't need weed, beer, nor pills. Just Frank Lopez to get me intoxicated.

I'd do anything to let go of my undying love for him. But also I'd do anything do have him to myself.... jeez what's wrong with me. This is all so bad I'm literally down so bad. I hate myself so much. This is all literally his fault.

I wish I never went with him that day... I wish I could undo it. But it's already done and mistakes were made and I became attached.

Fuck the way he looked at the girl.... he looked at her like she was fucking god. I watched his eyes as she walked by.... the smile she gave him and the way he just totally ignored me. Disregarding as if he ignored me I would disappear. I mean I did disappear but that's not the point... the point is that. That's the fourth time he's pulled this shit in front of me and I'm still chasing him like a dog chasing after a car. I won't catch up to him no matter how long my stride is.... this is all fucked.

"Fuck..." I whisper wiping my tears

I didn't even feel them well up nor like come down.... am I really crying right now?!? Fuck stop being a bitch jaz.

"Jaz!!" I faintly hear

"huh?" I look at the window that was being banged on

"Jul?!?" I ask letting him in

"Come here" he says pulling me into a hug

"Why..... are you..... here?" I asked confused

"Because I care" he says rubbing my back

"Why?!?!?"

"Because I love you jaz" he sighed

"Does...... frank...... love... me?"

"I don't know?" he questioned

I stood there stunned by his words, frank was his cousin and he didn't know? How did he not?? What? Why is he here? Why did he come? Why is he saying sappy shit? Why is he hugging me? Why? Why does he always comfort me? Why does he fix his cousins mistakes? Why?