A New Kind of Love - Enya Umanzor Fanfiction

Complications

My body stood frozen again as I stared at Orion standing in the doorframe. "Well there goes our friend group", Finn said from behind me, breaking the silence. Orion turned and went back into the living room to sit on the couch next to Jack. That's when I saw Enya standing in the living room next to Drew. So they all heard. Great.

Finn walked around me to join the group, so I followed behind him. "Guys I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any problems in the friend group" I finally spoke, with my eyes glued to the ground. I felt a hand on my arm and looked up to see Drew standing there. "Eden I think you should just leave for right now", he started while walking me to the door and handing me my bag, "it sounds harsh because you're my friend as well, but we've all been through so much together. Enya and Orion have always been close and now this will probably drive a wedge between them. I think it'll be best for everyone if we take some time". He finished the second part in a lower voice so the others wouldn't hear.

I had no choice. I wouldn't be the reason for their downfall, so I left. I walked all the way back to Orion and I's apartment slowly. A familiar feeling washed over me, and it reminded me of when I first started to lose my friends in New York. Because I have a history of depression, I was isolated and fell into a state where I didn't speak for a month. I sat in my apartment alone all day. It only got better when I decided to pick up my spiritual practices again. I started meditating and journaling. Eventually I got used to being alone. This was different though, I was ruining a perfect friend group all because I couldn't control my emotions. Besides my job, these people were the ones I had grown close to over the few months, and I wanted to grow even more with them.

When I reached the apartment, I went to my room and shoved a bunch of clothes into a duffel bag. I didn't care that it was already late, I had to get out of there. I had to stop infecting these people with whatever diseases cling to the skeletons in my closet. I ordered an Uber and took it straight to the airport so I could catch the first plane back to New York.

By the time the plane landed in New York City, it was nearly 6 am. I hadn't slept at all on the five hour flight, instead I stared out the window and let my mind go blank. From the plane landing to baggage claim, I wasn't entirely aware of my movements. It felt like I was just on autopilot while my mind resided in a dark, barren place. The next time I was fully aware of what was going on was when I reached my mom's apartment. My mom and my little sister lived together in the same place we had since middle school, so the comfort of being home brought me back.

"Eden. Are you going to talk?", my sister Lana asked with a concerned look on her face. She was only 17, but she had watched me go through all my depressive episodes since I was a child. Lana understood best what was going on with me. I didn't look away from the spot on the floor my eyes were placed on when I said, "I fucked it all up. I finally had friends and belonged somewhere and I wrecked it". She sighed in understanding and didn't ask me any more questions. I fell asleep at around 8 am.

When I woke up again, it was already deep into the afternoon. My mom was still at work, and Lana was across the room on her bed watching Netflix. I gathered my things for the shower and went in, immersing myself in water that was almost boiling. I couldn't stop my mind from going back to Orion's face. I never meant to hurt her. Drew's words circled in my head the entire time I scrubbed my body. Finally I decided to go out to a bar to get my mind off things. I quickly threw on jeans, a cute blouse and some platform boots before telling Lana I would be going out.

At first I just walked around downtown for about an hour. I didn't realize how much I missed being in the city until now. Maybe L.A. wasn't for me. I shook my head remembering my job that I loved dearly. I couldn't come back here permanently. Luckily I didn't have any pressing assignments due until Friday, so I could stay for a few days at least. I looked up then and noticed a bar with loud music blasting from inside, so I walked in.

The place wasn't too big, and the people there didn't look predatory thank goodness. I plopped myself on a stool and the bartender came over. She was blonde with forest green eyes and a kind smile. "What can I get you?" She asked. "Three shots of Patron please". The bartender raised an eyebrow at my request before going off to prepare it for me. Shots of Patron to start off my night was only asking for trouble. I knew this, but I needed to get drunk fast. When she brought them out, I quickly downed all three and asked for a margarita next.

My night was fun after the shots. I drank my margarita, danced for a bit and then came back for three more shots. I drank water too because I wanted to be at least somewhat responsible. When I checked my phone and saw that it was already past midnight I decided to have one more drink and then head home.

After I left the bar, I stumbled down the streets and my mind started racing. I was thinking of Enya's face and Orion's heartbroken face. I was thinking about how they all chose each other over me, and how maybe that was the right thing. Maybe I didn't belong anywhere at all. I didn't even realize I was crying until mascara started to burn my eyes. I was aggressively wiping my face, hardly paying attention to where I was walking while an insane amount of thoughts ran around in my head making me feel dizzy and confused.

I couldn't stop crying, so I just stopped in my tracks and let myself cry and shake. I heard a loud beeping noise in the background of my thoughts, but by the time I looked up to see what it was, the blinding headlights were shining in my face before making contact with my body. That's when it all went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: Okay so I won't elaborate on what just happened at the end of this chapter. I'll be updating with two chapters(maybe 3 if I'm feeling productive). I hope you all enjoyed getting a deeper understanding of Eden's past mental illness and how healing isn't a linear journey. There will be times of falling back into it.