After the Hate Has Gone (Sebastian Vettel)

33. Tensions

Although they had initially made up from their argument there was an odd tension between Lottie and Seb from Russia onward. It didn't help that Seb had crashed out of the Russian Grand Prix thanks to his own mistake. He'd been in a foul mood afterwards and Lottie had decided to just let him get on with it. She was sure he would snap out of it eventually, but his bad mood had continued and he had been distant from her, barely talking somedays.

He hadn't even tried anything in the bedroom. She'd been relieved at first as she was still pissed off with him but his behaviour was beginning to worry her.

As she'd predicted his statement hadn't done anything for the situation. Some people had been saying that Seb was having a breakdown as he had behaved so out of character releasing this statement. Some said it showed he was feeling guilty.

On the other hand a lot of people admired Seb for sticking up for himself. What it had also done was made sure the media were constantly in their faces.

Arriving at the paddock in Singapore they had dozens of cameras pointing at them. Questions being shouted out. It was so stressful. Lottie felt like she couldn't do her job 100% as she was constantly under scrutiny. 

The weekend had been a total disaster for Seb. He'd been fortunate to come away with fifth place. Heading to Japan the tension had been unbearable. Lottie knew that they needed to talk ASAP. They really needed do sort things out as it was obviously affecting Seb's driving as well as their relationship.. She decided she'd have to swallow her pride and back down. 

Arriving in the suite Seb had headed straight to the bedroom. She'd followed him.

"Seb, we need to talk."

"I think you've made your feelings clear."

"I don't like fighting with you. I know why you did what you did. Just because I didn't agree doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you so damn much. You must know that. This is killing me. You don't talk to me much. You don't want me in bed anymore. Do you even love me anymore? Or should I take my case and walk out of that door? Because I am so close to doing that!"  Seb looked at her,  panic on his face.

"No Lottie, please don't leave me," he cried out.  "Of course I love you.  You are my world. I'm so sorry. I'm just dealing with everything in my own way. I find it hard to talk about how I'm feeling. I don't want you to think less of me." He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. 

Lottie knelt on the floor besides him, her hand on his knee.

"Seb, we're in this together. Never feel like you can't talk to me."  He looked up at her, his eyes full of unshed tears.

"I feel like I'm cracking up Lottie. I've known Celestine since we were kids. I liked and respected her, even when I fell out of love with her.  But part of me resented her as I felt trapped. I lost a chance to see what we could be. Then after we lost the baby I threw everything into making the marriage work. But it was doomed. I never ever forgot you liebling. You were always there with me. But I tried. Celestine wasn't the easiest of people to live with but I am ashamed of how I made her leave. Then Ferrari ditched me. Then all the criticism I'm getting. I'm finished. I'm washed up. I need to retire. Now all this. My head feels ready to burst. I can't take any more. I'm terrified of losing you. You're the only bright thing in my life. Please don't leave me I'm begging you." The tears began to run down his face. Lottie took his hands in hers.

"Seb, I'm not going to leave you.  I just thought that maybe you wanted that. You haven't exactly been wanting me lately."  Lottie was shocked at the man she saw before her. Where was the cocky, smug man that used to drive her mad?

"I'm sorry Lottie . I do want you. I've just been so stressed."

"Seb,baby. I really think you need to talk to someone. There's no shame in asking for help. You need to get your head sorted. I'm going nowhere but you need to help yourself. "

" I will, I promise.  I'll see a shrink, I'll do anything.  Just please don't leave me.  I need you."  She sat up on the bed besides him and took him in her arms. He sobbed onto her shoulder.  It was heartbreaking. They laid down on the bed. Eventually Seb fell into an exhausted sleep. 

Lottie heard a knock at the door. She went to answer it and found it was Britta .

"Hey Britta, come on in. He's sleeping at the moment but I need to talk to you if that's OK?" 

Britta took a seat on the sofa.

"Of course. How can I help?"

" You know Seb better than anyone. I'm really worried about him." Lottie explained to Britta what Seb had told her. Britta sat shaking her head.

" I was afraid something like this would happen. He bottles things up. He never really dealt with his divorce and the Ferrari fiasco. He got down yes, went on a bender but then Aston Martin came along  and he was dove straight back into it. Then you came back into his life and I thought that maybe he was ok. Celestine seems to have pushed him over the edge."

"He's agreed to talk to a professional. Get help."

"That is a miracle."

"Can you help with that?"

"Of course. I'll speak with Antti. He may know someone. So pleased he's finally accepting help."

"Talking about me I see," said Seb, exiting the bedroom, rubbing his blood shot eyes.

"Seb, Britta can help."

"I know. I didn't mean it in a negative way."

"Seb, we are here for you.  Every step of step of the way," Britta said.

"Thank you both for sticking by me."

Lottie patted the seat next to her. He sat down and lay his head on her shoulder.

"We just want you to feel better Seb. We need that sassy wise ass."  He smiled.

"I'll get there. I feel a little better already after my meltdown."

"That's good. Now I have to go. I only popped round to see if you wanted anything before I head out for dinner with some of the girls. I'm only a phonecall away if you need me."

"I'm good. Thanks Britta. You have fun."

"Make sure you eat. And rest.  I will see you in the morning." Britta let herself out. Seb kissed Lottie softly on the mouth.

"I do love you. You believe me don't you?" She nodded. "Good. I'm going to get through this Lottie. I've been too proud to ask for help but I know I need it now. The thought of losing you..."

"You're not going to lose me you silly bugger. You're stuck with me now."  He pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

"You're my girl. Always. "

"Always," she said.