After the Hate Has Gone (Sebastian Vettel)

45. Losing You (2)

Day 2

Seb woke up and reached out to hug Lottie. Finding only an empty space he remembered that he would never hold her again. His head was pounding. He wasn't surprised after the amount he had drank last night. He'd drank to forget but realised that he could never forget. His loss was imprinted in his brain.

He got out of bed and plodded to the toilet. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. His eyes were red from all the crying he'd been doing. He could do with a shave, but he didn't care. What was the point anymore?

He slipped on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a tshirt. He padded downstairs to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. He took a swig, swallowing 2 painkillers.

"Hangover?"said Joel, appearing behind him, making him jump.

"Christ Joel," Seb complained. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry mate." Seb walked through to the lounge and sat down on the sofa. Joel followed, sitting in an armchair.

"It's cleared up out there at last. They can get on with the search now," Seb said. Joel nodded. "You know, the more I've thought about it, the more I think that they might still be alive. Antti's a strong swimmer, Lottie is too. They could have made it to land." Joel groaned inwardly. Seb was only setting himself up for more heartbreak. He didn't want to be pessimistic but he had seen the conditions out there. He didn't see how anyone could have survived.

He just smiled at Seb, not trusting himself to answer. "I'm going to go down to the dock. See if there's anything I can do to help. I need to keep busy."

"Give me ten minutes and I'll come with you." He wanted to make sure that Seb wasn't sneaking off to drink again. He owed it to Lottie  to make sure that Seb didn't hit the self destruct button. He jogged up the stairs and into his room to get dressed. Sophie was sat up in bed looking at her phone.

"The news has got out. It's all over the Internet. They're already writing shit, saying Seb won't be racing this year."

"I can't see that he will Soph. The man's a mess. He's lost the woman he loves. Mentally, he's not going to be there."

"I know but is there any need for the media to be speculating now? I mean where's the respect? It's not even been 48 hours. How did they find out anyway?"

"Probably one of the locals needed the money," Joel said, bitterly. "He's insisting on going down to the docks. I'm going with him."

"OK baby. Love you."

"You too," he said, dropping a kiss on her cheek. He headed back down to Seb.

"Come on then mate, let's go." Seb got up and they headed out and down to the dock.

                                      ***

"It's a fucking joke, that's what it is," fumed Seb. "No official search? They could be out there waiting for someone to come for them?"

"Seb, calm down. There are boats going out. Just not from the authorities. Look, there's several fishing boats heading out now."

"I just feel so bloody useless Joel. What am I actually doing?"

"Mate, I know. We all wish there was more we could do but we just have to wait."

"You think they're dead, don't you?" Joel swallowed hard, he didn't want to have this conversation. "You can say. I know deep down there's not much chance but I have to believe. I have to, or I will totally fall to pieces. It's my reason to keep going." Joel lay a hand on Seb's arm.

"I'll be with you every step of the way."

Day 3

Seb sat on the dock staring out at the horizon. Joel sat at his side. The previous days search had not found anything other than debris from the boat. They stayed at the dock until it had gotten dark last night. Joel didn't really see the point but if that's what Seb needed to do then he was doing it with him. Seb had been up at the crack of dawn to head back down here again.

Joel was seriously concerned about Seb's state of mind. He was obsessed with being at the dock in case a boat brought Lottie back. He'd spoken with Sophie about his concerns. She'd agreed with him but said there wasn't a lot they could do at the moment. They had another week until their flights home. Joel had a feeling that Seb would be extending his stay. He really hadn't accepted things yet.

"Maybe today will be the day," Seb said, interrupting Joel's thoughts.

"Who knows buddy, maybe."

"The harbour master says their searching some of the further islands tomorrow if they find nothing today." Of course they weren't going to find anything, Joel thought to himself. "Surely they will, I mean there's six people out there. They can't just give up."

"It's not giving up Seb. It's being realistic. I know we are staying optimistic. We want nothing more than Antti and Lottie to be alive. But from their point of view it's a foregone conclusion really, isn't it?"

"They will find her. Even if she is gone. I need to take her home."

"Seb, mate. I will stand with you like I promised but you have to prepare yourself. The truth is they may never find them."

"That's not something I can accept." Joel sighed and looked back out at the ocean. Seb was being illogical. This was like looking for a needle in a haystack. The chances were virtually zero.

Day 4

Another day. Another early start. Seb once again made the trip down to the dock. Joel once again, trailing behind him.

They sat there hour after hour. Joel thought how tired and run down Seb was looking. His hair was uncombed, he needed a shave and looked like he hadn't slept for a month.

"Seb, let's go back and have some lunch. We'll only be half an hour. I don't know about you but I'm starving." Seb looked at him like he was speaking alien. Then he slowly nodded.

"Yes, OK. I could manage a sandwich." They took a slow walk back. Sophie was surprised to see them. This was the first time Seb had been persuaded to come back for food since he had started his daily vigils. She made both men a sandwich and poured them a cold drink. Seb ate in silence. It was good to see him eating again, Joel thought.

After he had finished Seb jumped up and headed back to his post. Joel once again following. As they approached they noticed a lot of activity. The other tourists had run down from the hotel and were chatting to the harbour master. They were having a very heated conversation. Seb and Joel headed over to see what was happening.

"We deserve to know what's going on" one of the men was saying.

"We've told you all we know. We've updated you like we said we would. You need to be patient."

"Patient when my mother and my brother are out there. And this man's friend and girlfriend, " he shouted, pointing at Seb.

"What's going on?" asked Joel.

The man looked at them.

"They've found a body...."