Wants, Tightrope, Spilt Milk

Part Three #38: Mate

 ... get out of the way you fucking idiots I don’t have time for all your fucking about when I’m trying to walk in a straight line for fuck’s sake do you even know where you’re going and what goes through these people’s heads I mean do they just leave the house and think I’m going for a walk and I don’t know where but I’ll do it really slowly and zigzag from side to side and pretend that I’m in some fucking form of pity-me-pain and thus need to walk like a spastic with no idea of path nor concept of pavement regulations oh how much I’d love to just push these idiots into the road and you know what they should have a special part of the footpath just for people like me who know where they’re going and know how to fucking walk and it's like every idiot emerges from some fucking factory in which they’re produced purely just to fuck me off after all is it really that hard for the world just to fuck off and am I asking too much if I want to push them in front of a bus in order to get from A to B a bit quicker...

“Casper? Casper, mate!”

Kasper turns to see an old Uni friend approaching.

“Hey Karl, how are you? What you up to?”

“Nothing much hey, just doing a bit of Saturday shopping. Man what happened to your hair? Getting gassed any time soon? Hahaha.”

“Yer, pretty rough job hey.”

“Jesus, I’ll say ...”

“Sorry, you’re gay?

“What?”


“Nothing mate. Yer the barber just went nuts hey, scalped me.”

“Barber? Who the fuck says barber? Hahaha, you sound like a fucking nonce, ‘I just went to the barber’ hahaha.”

“Yer, well I say barber.”

“All right mate, calm down. I’m only winding you up.”

“Wind some people up and they fucking snap.”

Pause.



“Erm… yeah whatever mate. Anyway how’s things?”

“Wound up, like I said. Wound up and ready to snap.”

“What? What the fuck you on about? You stressed out or something?”

“No mate, I’m planning on killing a bunch of people and to be fair you’re rapidly becoming my first ...,”

Long awkward pause.


“What?”



ring ring


“Hold on a minute there Casp mate, I just gotta take this ...,”

“I’ll just be sharpening my knife.”

... fuck the fuck off you fucking idiot what is it about my bleeding shaved head and threats of violence that you don’t understand I mean do you simply think that I’ve decided to adorn myself in the attire of a fucking concentration camp victim in order to appear cool or to seek some new style and after all you’re a cunt and you always have been and so what if we fucking sat next to each other at Uni and once in a fucking painful I’d-prefer-not-to-remember-and-whenever-I-saw-you-coming-I-just-wanted-the-ground-to-open-up-so-I-could-fucking-disappear blue moon we got the bus together but does that make us friends I mean does it does it really after all I could just beat you to death right now or would that be a bit too much...

“Sorry about that, mate. So what’s up? You seen Mal or anyone lately?”

“Wait a minute. What the fuck do I care? Who the fuck ...”

“Oi, calm dow...”

“No, fuck off! For fucks sake, mate. I don’t give a shit about you or your stupid fucking shit, so why don’t you just fuck off to the barber or some other fucking thing that you think is funny in your little world and let me and my fucking bleeding head go back to planning how I can kill all the fucking idiots that walk in front of me on the footpath in peace! Is that too much to ask? Is it? Would you like me to draw you a chart, to plan it out? I’m a fucking teacher, if you can remember that.”

“Mate you got a fucking problem? I just said hello you twat ...”

“Twat! You calling me a twat? I’ll fucking gut you right here on the pavement and use your entrails to slide back and forth like a fucking ice skater before I carve out your eyes and fuck the bloody holes in your skull if you even so much as say one more fucking word to me, now fuck off!”


Pause.



Man walks away.


 ... some fucking people have got no fucking idea “get out the fucking way you stupid fucking deformed twat some of us like to walk at a normal fucking pace!”