Wants, Tightrope, Spilt Milk

Part Three #42: Just Us

Kasper practically had to force Anna to drink the vodka and orange he had made for her, which he did by guiding her hand toward her mouth whilst trying to maintain an even and caring tone despite his annoyance.

She was somewhat better than before, having let the initial shock of her actions wear off. Kasper had entered the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom in order to check his appearance. The whole walk home he had pictured himself with blood everywhere, blood that he couldn't see but that others could as clear as if he had held a sign stating his murderous intentions. While walking he had thus taken his time to ensure he encountered as few people as possible, turning down side streets and into driveways on those occasions when he did see someone.

After a minute or so of pressure, Anna drank a large draft of the drink and as she did she looked up at him for the first time, her eyes filled with a youth he found easily forgotten in his fantasies.

"Where did you go?" she asked him.

He turned away without answering and went to the kitchen to make himself a drink.

"Did you find her?"

"Don't worry about it, she's taken care of," he replied, wanting to avoid the subject and keep the conversation away from possibly turning to her parents' murder.

Anna was silent for a minute or so.

"Was she dead?"

Kasper didn't answer and Anna knew from his silence that she was. Images of the rock hitting the girl's head and covering her in blood flashed in her thoughts and she looked toward the window to avoid looking at her hands.

Kasper came over and sat beside her.

"It needed to be done, Anna. Just like all of this. It wasn't a choice but a necessity. For us, for this."

Anna nodded, "but what if she didn't see me? What if she didn't think anything of me at all? I just ... I thought she'd ...,"

Kasper put his arm around her.

"She was one of them Anna, you've got to remember that. They're different to us now, they don't matter. It's just us."

"Were my parents different as well?"

Kasper stood up abruptly.

"You killed them," she said.

"I had to do it, Anna. To set you free."

She had expected to feel exonerated somewhat by his admission, yet it simply left her feeling even more trapped and guilt ridden, as if it were her who had made him do it.

"I had to set you free," he repeated, seeing the effect his words had had upon her. "It has to be just you and me."

He moved closer. Her arms were wrapped around her legs and her eyes were wide, vacant and lost. He realised that now was the time to tell her about Monday, to make her realise that what she had done was a part of the dream, a process of change along with Peterson and the girl in the alleyway.

"You're like me, Anna. No one else is. Look at what you did for us!" How you acted to protect us. Killing that girl, that was something you did for us. Don't you see, there's no one else like us Anna, we're a different breed. We can't let anyone tie us down or threaten us. On Monday we'll show everyone who we are, we'll change the world."

Anna turned to look at him and reached out to touch his cheek, a tender touch that seemed to conflict with the bitter look in her eyes. He knew that she didn't want to hear of more murder, that she wanted only for him to love her, yet it was time, time she knew the truth of what she was now a part of.

"On Monday we use the guns on the school Anna, on all the girls who beat you, all those who made your life hell. Everyone will see you finally for who you are."

The words came to her as if she had always known them and as such they passed her, immune to the moment that existed in her, the hollowness that made everything a dream, everything surreal.

"Just us?" she asked, her voice weak.

"Just us," he smiled, taking her hand in his and laying a kiss upon it as if she had, with those two words, made a wholly different pact.

... I have no one now as there is just him and that's what I always wanted for him to protect me and he knew that she was there and he dealt with her for me and he's here now and he'll be here always standing beside me and supporting me but he had to do it and I know that and I know that he had to take care of them but it's better now without them as they were as bad as the others and they never cared about me instead always trying to make me something that I'm not and always trying to change me as if I was something that was wrong or something that hadn't turned out right and she hated me she really really hated me just like the others did and like they all do but he doesn't because he loves me and he always will and he'll do what I ask because of that love and I know it he's everything to me ...

Such thoughts spilled into words, words she didn't feel despite her belief in them, words that were filled with a bitter anger she found to be suddenly flowing through her.

"She was a bitch to me. Always trying to get me to be someone I wasn't. You know she used to try and change me, to dress me up into the girl she wanted me to be and I used to do it, I used to pretend to be that girl just for her. But she never cared for what's inside, all she ever cared about was how I looked, and how much I'd never look like her."

"You're free of her now Anna, and with me you can be free of all of them. On Monday they will finally listen, we'll stand together and everyone else, anyone who's ever affected you, all those people can be made to suffer."

"I'm glad their gone, that it's just us. Soon they'll all be gone, they'll only be us. Just us."