Wants, Tightrope, Spilt Milk

Part Three #45: On his Way to Meet his Friends

He got off the train at Town Hall and held back the desire to shout and scream and push and shove the people that seemed intent on milling and walking leisurely in front of him on the station's claustrophobic elevators. He remembered having a panic attack on one of the platforms while waiting for the City Circle train and the memory only served to stoke his desire to get out of the station and onto the street.

... I want to jump in front of a train ...

He passed through the ticket gates and immediately began to admire the Saturday night girls that passed him by. Many of them looked young, perhaps in their late teens and early twenties, and Kasper took in their young bodies and long legs. The short skirts and plunging neck lines stirred desires in him he had to quell, knowing that on Monday he could indulge as much as he wished. He walked slowly to the stairs that led to George Street in order to let a group of girls, none of whom paid him any attention, walk in front. As he climbed the stairs he watched their hips move from side to side and let his mind wander off into fantasy. He felt the power that often surged through him in public and, fuelled in part by the drinks he'd had before leaving, he felt a king upon those streets. Inside his jacket the duel weight of the handgun and knife sat reassuringly and he felt a desire to reach out and grab one of the girls' arses and fondle it while she stood helpless in his grip.

It all seemed so easy to him now, all that was once forbidden and impossible. He wondered if this was how rapists and murderers felt, if they too could see that the line between what one can do and what one should do was so small it was practically insignificant. If one wanted to fuck that little brunette over there in the blue and white dress, one only had to force it upon her. It was really that simple. Of course the presence of so many other people who would disagree with his actions was the biggest obstacle, but Kasper allowed his thoughts to drift further into fantasy and envision the day when those bystanders would see nothing wrong with one taking what one wanted. The day when, inspired by his example, they would also take what they considered theirs and free will, human and natural, would reign once again.

His eyes continued to hungrily lap up the girls he passed as he walked quickly along Park Street passed Woolworths Metro and The Criterion. When he reached Elizabeth Street, he could see the Coca Cola sign of the Cross before him, and as he crossed to Hyde Park his thoughts wandered to a particular fantasy he often had, one in which he had a remote control that could pause the world around him. He had entertained this idea for years and dreamt of using it in a whole multitude of capacities. Currently, he imagined using it on the girls he saw around him, pausing everything so he could strip them naked and fuck the best of them over and over, pausing for naps whenever he wished for the world was at his control.

Such thoughts managed to occupy him all the way up William Street and as he approached the designated meeting spot with his friends, the nervousness of those who don't go out much began to rise within him.