SOAR: An Avengers Story

Ch.20: The World We Knew (Over and Over)

February 24th, 2017

(Joey)

Joey didn't really know how to cry.

He always had to be the toughest around: the strong older brother, the machismo machine of the track team, the oldest son who stood tall against anything, even asthma. He never gave himself room to cry, so when it happened, he never knew what to do.

Yet here he was, sniffling like a baby in the middle of his room, still not ready to face what he had done.

The flashbacks crept up on him, then struck with burning intensity right in his chest. And they'd all be snippets that were so specific, it was like the memories came to a sharp point just to poke him where it hurt. He'd see the edge of a bridge beginning to fall, or the bottom of the cliffs, or Melissa's face right as she realized what would happen. It was too much.

Joey sniffled loudly, but still managed to focus long enough to keep his sobs from leaving the room. It was painful somewhat, but it was a cakewalk compared to the anguish he was experiencing in his heart. It made him physically hurt, like a vice grip on his heart and lungs. Joey was no longer asthmatic, but he felt as though he needed his inhaler.

He was interrupted by a knock at his door.

He was about to yell, "Go away!" to whoever it was, but the door opened without warning, revealing Wanda in a blood-red cardigan and a look of sadness on her face.

She closed the door behind her, sitting down on the floor next to Joey.

"I heard you, I wanted to see if you were okay," she said softly.

"How did you hear me?" Joey asked, confused. Were his powers out of whack?

"No, your powers are working fine," she said, answering the question in his head, "I was listening to your thoughts."

"Oh," Joey put his head down, feeling his face getting hot. He did his best to silence his thoughts, to keep her out, but they were just too loud. Too fast.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Wanda asked, placing a gentle and comforting hand on his shoulder.

He flinched instinctively, his body curling up into itself slightly. He wished secretly that it could go farther, that he could collapse into nothing instantly. He guessed with Wanda, though, it wasn't so secret.

"You know, Clint has this thing about heroism. There's always this defining moment, the single decision that changes your course of action," Wanda spoke, staying still, "For Steve, it was enlisting and becoming Captain America. For Tony, it was creating the Iron Man and stopping the use of his weapons. For me, it was Sokovia. I had to decide whether or not I was brave enough to fight for my country, for my people. So I stood firm, and fought an army of robots. It was when I knew I was doing the right thing, and it felt right."

Joey was no longer trying to curl up into oblivion, but instead, he could feel himself opening up a little, hanging on her every word.

"I used to think the experiments we volunteered for were somehow linked to that moment. Pietro and I were by no means evil, but we joined Hydra because we wanted to change the world. But it wasn't until I became an Avenger where I actually felt like it was possible."

Joey wanted to say something, but couldn't. It honestly felt like Wanda was saying the words for him, vocalizing all of the hurt and confusion that was muddled in his own heart. It was the perfect mixture of comfort and agony.

"Then when Lagos happened, I had to face that same decision again. Could I still be an Avenger, a hero, knowing how much I've hurt people? Knowing that my actions were directly responsible for the life...or death...of someone else?"