STUTTER

Chapter 7

A date huh?

I twisted the bendy pencil in my fingers while I watched my phone with an expectant glare. I wanted him to text me but he hadn't yet.

It had already gotten late but my mind wouldn't stop running it's gears. I really wanted to sleep, but I didn't intend to put my phone down any time soon.

I didn't know half of the feelings I felt day to day. How was I supposed to know if I had romantic feelings for someone else when I didn't even know how I felt about myself? The decision didn't seem fair to make.

I decided to get up and head to the kitchen, phone still in my hand. Before I could even grab a glass of water, I noticed one was already on the counter. Knowing my sister, she'd left it out for me.

"I heard your TV.", her voice popped up beside me. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Don't know." I turned to her and tightened my hand around my phone. "I'm not in the mood to close my eyes yet."

"You have a date tomorrow. Get in the mood."

"He told you about that?"

"He talks when he's nervous.", she crossed her arms. "I'm starting to wish you did too."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well.", she scoffed, leaning on her hip a bit. "You never talk to me about what's going on in your life."

"I tell you everything!"

"I meant emotionally. I have no idea how you feel about all of this. You don't tell me about your feelings."

"I don't really know them yet.", I frowned, a little bothered that she expected so much from me.

"I know I'm pushing hard, okay? But come on, you have to admit that I'm in the dark here. You tell me what goes on but not at all how you feel about it."

"Isn't that what you should tell me? How I feel about it?"

"No. That's something you have to do yourself."

"Then I'd rather stay confused." I headed back to my room, shutting the door a bit loudly behind me. As expected, she followed and shoved the door open.

"Don't slam doors."

"It was an accident."

"Keiji, we aren't done talking about this."

"I am." I grabbed my earphones and plugged them into my phones, shoving them in my ears to play music that would drown her out. I found myself playing the song I'd been shown earlier.

I watched her leave my room. Without hearing the door slam, I knew it did. The photos on my wall shook, a couple falling off. I just rolled my eyes and laid back down.

I don't like fighting with her but what am I supposed to do about it? If I don't know how I feel than what does she expect me to tell her?

The next day, I went on a date with Scott as promised. We walked through an abandoned street littered with large buildings. Some of them looked pretty clean, others were covered in graffiti.

"You guys got in an fight?"

"Yeah."

"Did you cry?"

"I don't cry." I was annoyed at the question at first, expecting him not to believe me. But when he let out a deep laugh, my mind filled with color. I stared at him in shock, my heart beating out of my chest as he struggled to stop laughing.

I wanted to go home but at the same time, I never wanted him to stop hearing that sound.

"No way! You don't cry?!"

"No I-....I figure it's better if I save tears for when they're really needed."

"Well I don't think so. I cry all the time."

"I'm sure you have no reason to be crying that often." I kept pace with him, my tone cold and unforgiving while my intentions were colorful and warm.

He smiled weakly at that. "I feel inferior."

"To who?"

"To everyone." He shoved his hands in his pockets and gently dropped his skateboard, placing one foot on and rolling it back and forth.

"Scott..." I gave him a sympathetic look. "You don't have to feel like that."

"The day we first met, you were so bluntly honest that I even felt small compared to you." He looked down for a moment. "It's like...Whenever I look at everything around me, I can see how useless and weak I am."

"And how about now?"

"Now." He looked up at me and forced a smile. "All I see is you."

That color bursting in my head grew heavy, my heartbeat speeding up. "There's not much to see."

"There's a lot more than you think." He reached up and ruffled my hair, doing so making me see a deep bruise below his wrist when his sleeve fell. I immediately grabbed his arm and rolled his sleeve up, flinching when I saw nearly five different bruises trailing from his wrist up to his elbow. "Oh uh-"

"What did you do?"

"Would you believe it was a skateboarding accident?"

"I would not!" I snapped.

"Fine." He rolled his eyes and pulled his arm back, hiding it beneath his sleeve as fast as he could. "I got in an argument with my dad and he grabbed my arm. It doesn't hurt so-"

"Are those the only bruises he gave you?"

"I-"

"Be honest. Please."

"No!" He raised his voice a bit, frustrated with the topic at hand. "Look, I'm not in the mood to be a downer so can you just forget about it?"

"Scott."

"Please?"

"Fine."

"Awesome!" His smile grew back in an instant and he rode alongside me on his skateboard. "Want to break into one of these places? I brought snacks."

"Gross. What kind?"

He laughed again, which made me smile. I quickly forced myself to stop when he looked at me. "You told me you like strawberries so I got as many strawberry things as I could find."

We sat on the roof of one of the taller buildings and watched the night sky. I stared at the stars with a stick of pocky hanging out of my mouth. "Do you think all the dead people are stars?"

"What?"

"In America," he pulled the pocky from my mouth and took a bite of it. "My mom had always told me that everyone who dies becomes a star. Do you ever hear that here?"

I shook my head. "No but it's better than just thinking they die."

He smiled and laid down. "Well... A promise is a promise. Now you have to tell me if you like me or not. I can't keep hitting on you if you say no."

"I want to take you to dinner next weekend." I muttered. His eyes widened and he shot up.

"Seriously?! You like me?!"

"Don't jump to conclusions! You're way too exited about it!" I held an arm in front of my face as it turned red. "I...I don't now if I like you. But I like the sounds you make."

When he didn't say anything, I looked at him and saw that his face was even redder than mine. He was stunned. "I-... Sounds?"

I realized how that sounded and shook my head furiously. "No! I-....Your laugh. It's-...I like it. And I guess you're not the ugliest person on the planet."

"You sure about that?" He didn't seem to understand what I meant. But what I couldn't understand was how someone like him was so insecure. It's like he didn't even know how perfect he was.

"Do you really not know how beautiful you are?"

As if his face wasn't red enough. "What?!"

"I'll take that as a no." I laid down and looked at the sky. "You should work on that."