Bound To You (camren au)

if you walk away, part 1

Things get really bad after that.

-

Lauren isn't at rehearsal on Monday, and everything is very wrong.

"What happened the other night?" Normani is asking, clinging onto Camila's arm with a terrible kind of urgency. "Seriously, Cam- we all heard the song, and then you two fighting- what happened?"

Every time she asks, Camila wants to cry and scream all at once- because she doesn't know what to say. Everything is a sick blur, and Camila was the meanest she's ever been in her whole life and the most awful and she can't think about it without wanting to vomit.

"Nothing," she says, like a liar. "It's fine." Nothing's fine, and obviously everyone knows that, but she can't talk about it right now, she just can't.

It's twenty-six minutes since rehearsal should have started but Lucy is stalling, pacing with her arms crossed, trying to keep it together, but her eyes- they're giving her away. She must know everything, or at least Camila must seem especially guilty, because Lucy eventually tugs her aside.

For a second they just look at each other, Camila with her chin tilted up, attempting to at least be somewhat defiant.

"Cami," says Lucy, and she has this look on her face, like she pities Camila and is woefully disappointed in her all at once.

Camila is weak. Her eyes fill with tears immediately.

"Angel," Lucy sighs, and she scoops Camila up in her arms, and Camila doesn't cry, not really, but there's this persistent, painful sadness pushing through the center of her chest, so intense she's pretty sure Lucy can feel it through her skin. "What did you do?"

Camila just shakes her head, and Lucy's hands skate over her back. "Hey," she says gently. "You can go home, you know. I'll let you have the day off if you need to go."

"I can't. Lo-" Fuck. "Lauren's not here. So there'd be no one to lead the numbers." God, it hurts just saying her name.

"Camila." When they pull back, Lucy smooths Camila's hair away from her face. "What happened with the two of you?"

"I fucked up," says Camila, almost accidentally, like she didn't realize how much she was feeling it until it came out of her mouth. "I mean, she fucked up too. I think. But I also think I fucked up worse. Everything is a mess right now."

"Okay." Lucy nods, her thumb skating over Camila's shoulder. "I get that. I just think that... it's you and Lauren. You guys always end up okay in the end, right? No offense, but both of you have fucked up before, and you've always been alright in the end. You guys are just- I don't think you understand how weird it is when you two aren't attached at the hip."

Camila blinks at her, and something in her heart aches.

"Even when Laur's not with you, everyone can tell she wants you here. When you sprained your ankle, she spent that entire month talking about you, texting you, calling you. Every time something funny would happen she wouldn't even laugh, she'd just be like, I wish Camz was here to see this. Trust me on this- that girl is lost without you."

Camila coughs and tries to laugh so she doesn't start crying. "That's awful," she says hoarsely. "We're so fucking codependent."

"Maybe." Lucy shrugs. "But that's my point. Everyone knows you can't really be without each other."

She says this, and it feels bittersweet, because part of Camila thinks- I don't want her to be like that. I don't want her to be lost without me. I wish she would take it back. I want to go back. I don't want us to be like this.