I don't know how to express how I'm feeling . I'm not good w/ words . I never have been . it's never been my thing to open up to anyone . no one can understand . . not many people get me , the way I think , or why I do what I do . I'm not like many people . I push everyone away when all I want is for someone to hold me in their arms & tell me that it's okay to be this hurt . that The fact that I'm this damaged on the inside & out & that even tho a razor was my bestfriend , I'm not a complete freak . even tho sometimes I feel like it . mainly bc I'm only addicted to things that involve hurting myself . or maybe it's bc everyone in my life walks away from me . they can't handle me , I'm too much , I hurt everyone around me w/o meaning to & most of the time I don't even realize it .but when they walk away it kills me . I can't say I don't expect it though . it rlly does happen a lot . I'm not worth the time & effort . I'll have to learn to accept that . I'll have to learn to accept that I hate hurting people so much that I stick around to deal w/ the abuse people call growing up . I hate myself for that . I hate that everyone calls me a bitch when in reality I'm actually a person that cares way to much about how other people feel .i care so much that my happiness comes last . bc I feel like I don't deserve it . which I probably don't . I mean , what do I do that's so special that I should be putting my happiness in front of someone else's ? exactly . I'm not anything important . I'm juss a person .
