it's not fair is it ? how you're trying just as hard as a cancer patient to stay alive yet somehow it's not worth more than a week in a mental hospital. you can't get a few tests ran & the doctors are suddenly dedicated to helping you . you can come out to your whole family & tell them you have a failing liver but for some reason if you come out & say you have a serious mental illness to a couple friends then your attention seeking . dear jesus you can throw out sign after sign that your on the edge of killing yourself but no one seems to pick up on them , no one seems to call you up & check to see if everything is alright , you don't get "get well" cards , you get whispers from strangers saying your an attention whore , you get doctors & parents & family calling you weak or talking about how it's not as serious because it's all in your head . I think people undermine how fucking shitty it is to be told "well at least it's in your head & it can't actually kill you" dear god , can't you see it's killing me every day ? tell me that my migraines are all in my head , my muscle spasms, my insomnia, my lack of energy, my body aches , my fucking stomach & chest pains, my shortened breath , tell me it's all in my head , tell me it's my fault . tell me that "everyone gets nervous" & I shouldn't freak out like that . tell me that I ask for it . tell me that if I really wanted to go back to school, I could . that it's just people , tell me that I'm making a big deal out of nothing when I sit in a bathroom for the day on the first day of school it's because I choose to feel like this . because who wouldn't want to sit on a toilet with your feet up for 8 hours begging to God that a teacher or principle doesn't walk in & make you go to class . how in the Fuck were you going to tell me that my bipolar disorder was just mood swings from my period before I had even started yet . say I'm not depressed , everyone gets sad . does everyone sit in there bedroom for months only leaving to go to school & sit in the bathroom again & come right back to their bed ? tell me that my panic attacks are over exaggerated & I could breath if I wanted to . yeah I'm sure I could , but I'm also sure that when my brain is going 100 miles an hour the last thing I can focus on is my breathing . I might not have cancer or liver failure or any body malfunctions . it might all be in my head , but I can't get rid of it & I can't control it . so stop fucking undermining me like my illnesses aren't just as serious as any physical illness because Jesus fuck they hurt just as bad .
