when she tells you that she shaved her legs for the first time in a week , feel them & tell her they feel great . sometimes that little task is the reason she convinced herself to get out of bed that day . don't make it seem like it's nothing . when she calls you at 2 in the morning answer , always answer . sometimes she just feels alone & it will take every ounce to reach out for help . don't leave her hanging & if for some reason you could not get to the phone, wake up & assure her that you were asleep & you did not intentionally miss her call .
she will not just openly tell you she is sad , you have to ask & be prepared to repetitively tell her that you actually want to help . because she's so tired of just getting brushed off & she's not going to tell someone to get an empty response .
she will tell you over & over that she does not need help & she can handle it on her own . she can't . you know that but don't tell her . she will just get offended . tell her that you're just here to hold her hand while she does it by herself . you are now her training wheels , you keep her balanced as she moves forward , don't try to be more than that .
she will fall back , she is going to try & go back to old habits & she will try to give up . do not let her . but also don't punish her for it . make a simple promise & explain why this hurts you to . she will get the message . if you push it further , you will just make it worse . be careful .
remember that she's fragile & anything you say can set her off . she's hates that just as much as you do . don't take it personal . it is not your fault . it's not hers either . when she is about to have a panic or anxiety attack ask if you can hold her . if she says yes , hold her in your arms & rub her back . occasionally kiss her forehead to show that she is still the only thing you're focused on . if she says no then lay there in silence & remind her that your lap is always open to be her pillow . if she shrugs her shoulders this means she's not okay to talk right now & you need to hold her . hold her tight & if she starts crying do not , I'm serious , do not force her to look at you , she's not okay & she doesn't want to be crying just hold her head against your chest & play with her hair . it will help her to calm down . I promise she will thank you for it later .
if she refuses to eat . do not make her . make her food & tell her that you will split it with her . take the bigger half . don't watch her eat . turn on a movie or show to distract her so she doesn't think of calories when she swallows . also give her a cup of water . it will help .
if she won't tell you why she is upset , it's probably because she knows that it's stupid & she doesn't understand why she's mad but she is . just tell her you love her & that she is rational . she doesn't owe an explanation as to why she's mad . just take it , apologize & tell her you love her . she will get over it .
having a partner with mental illnesses is a full time job . don't take it lightly . it can include long nights with no sleep & it can be scary . if you are not prepared then don't be with her .
