Saudade

chapter 6

One week Later

5:01 am

I sat still in the same spot for what feels like forever. My mind is scrambled and I honestly am unsure what to do. Sage is at the end of my bed sleeping peacefully .Sleep to me was something I was lucky if I ever got any if it wasn't my insomnia keeping me up it was my past that still lingers into my present. Nothing is more painful than your own thoughts.

My mind is a place that scares me. Taunting me, allowing me to be afraid of something as simple as breathing air into my lungs

  I fiddled with the cuffs around my wrists looking at the bruises. The patchy colors can determine how long I have been held. The cuffs are one of the only things that hold me since I never allow anyone close enough too. I sigh as the silence lingers. I never liked the quiet even when I was a little girl. When it is quiet I tend to focus on my breathing and if I focus on my breathing then I start to panic. Like all the air in the world just disappears. No matter what I did I could never seem to find the strength to breathe and feel the air reach my lungs.

I feel myself start to panic as the flashback begins.  The silence ends and the air seems to disappear again. I look around frantically and start breathing heavier. The room started to move slowly and it was silent again. I couldn't hear anything, not even my breath. I saw a light and I felt hands on me. I started to scream but nothing could be heard.

I heard the voices of the demons of my past creep into my mind.

My vision was blurry and my heart was racing. I felt the thumps of my heart bang against my rib cage and the way my lungs felt like they were collapsing. There was nothing I wanted more in the world then for it all to stop. My body started to shut down and I squeezed my eyes shut and it all went away.

The blackness consumed me whole.

"Aurora" I felt someone shaking me.

I jolt up and see a man. His face seemed worried as his eyes watched me. I scoot as far as I can from him terrified.

"Aurora I'm not going to hurt you. It's just me Harry ''

His voice was laced with the feeling of guilt and I blinked realizing where I was. I saw him on the opposite side of me.

I stare at him blankly unsure what to do or say. Only Finn has seen the state I am in outside of my parents.

"Are you okay?"  he asked as if I was going to break at any given moment.

Little did he know I am like a walking blade. Anyone that gets too close gets ripped to shreds until they are beyond repair. And all i can do is watch because I can't control it. I look at his eyes and think of a response.

"I uh I am fine" I said barely over a whisper.

His eyebrows furrowed and he frowned. He left the room shutting the door behind him. I felt on edge like the world around me was moving on without me and I was nothing but a lost soul trying to find my way back home. Sage came over to me laying next me, knowing I needed comfort. I smiled weakly and gave her a kiss on the head. Harry returns to my room with  blankets and pillows.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to him, utterly confused.

"Well what does it look like? I am going to sleep on the floor beside you and try and help fight your inner demons" I sat there still and didn't know how to respond.

Until suddenly my subconscious decided to speak for me before I could think about it.

"You can sleep on the bed if you want" I mentally curse myself out not sure as to why those words fell out of my mouth.