The Mind of a Teenager

3

   
    I'm lashing out often, small things set me off and I say things I know I shouldn't and I regret them each morning when I wake up the next day. Why is my head in clusters like that? Why won't my words come out right? And why am I so goddamn mad all the time?

   When I was little I was the happiest little blonde girl on the planet. Always smiling and running around. What happened to her? Is she still in there? If so I would really like for her to resurface. Now it's all rash decisions made by a mania induced mind. My impulsivity is insane. One moment I could be reading a book and the next I could be doing a backflip off a bridge with my brother. And that is a very true story, I even have the videos to prove it.

  This has been going on for years. Longer than I can truly pinpoint and everytime my therapists asks where it started I have to stop and question because the honest answer is, I don't know. What was the trigger to all of this? What was so bad when I was 11 that started me down this downward spiral that I cannot pull myself up from?

I have so many questions that I wish I had answers to but I don't. Maybe I'll get those answers and maybe I won't. I'm trying to come to peace with that but when there's so many unanswered questions, even one answer would be incredible.