The Mind of a Teenager

6

    Things have been good recently. Almost too good which tells me there's something bad coming soon. Now I know what everybody would say to me had I voiced this thought and it would consist of "stop doubting everything," and "just because things are going good doesn't mean something bad is going to happen." I don't voice this thought because I'm aware of these things.

    I've always been told I'm a very self aware, reasonable, and understanding person, almost to an insane point. I give everybody the benefit of the doubt, which gets me hurt more often than not. But because I am so self aware I know to live in the moment and enjoy it. And I do so even while having the thoughts that things are going to get worse soon.

    But, enough about the future because it hasn't come yet, the present it going very well. After the worst heartbreak in my 16 years of life, I've moved on and been given a bit of hope. I feel like maybe, just maybe, somebody can handle the crazy. But it scares me mad when he doesn't answer for hours. Maybe he grew tired of me? Maybe he found somebody else already just like the last boy. And every time this wonderful man has an amazing explanation, never an excuse. Sometimes it's that work got busy, sometimes it's that he was driving, and my favorite, he was sleeping.

    Now I know you must be reading this thinking that last bit was made in sarcasm, but it's the truth. I sleep often, it's one of my favorite things to do, and to find a boy who sleeps in late and stays up all night, mostly on the phone with me, is amazing.

    I'm scared to show him my crazy, scared that it will scare him off. But just a few nights ago I was upset and he would not let me off the phone until he made me laugh. And that, that gives me just a bit of faith that maybe he can handle the crazy. And maybe he helps with it too. I haven't had nearly as many drop-of-a-penny mood changes in the past month. The other night was the first time I've cried in over a month. And maybe I'm getting better. Or maybe I'm getting better at keeping myself distracted, whichever it is, I'm not angry about it. It's a nice feeling. Hopefully it sticks around for awhile.