Silent Scream: a short story

5

Tw/ suicide
Nagising akong mabigat ang puso, masyado akong madaming iniisip at pinili ko nalang libangin at tapusin ang scale model ko dahil malapit na ang deadline nito.

Months pass by di ko na masyado na cocontact sila Jerome dahil feeling ko na dumadagdag lang ako sa
mga problema nila, si primus naman ay minsan ay sumasama sakin kumain at minsan naman ay wala din paramdam.

I really felt left out huh.

The day of my thesis defense ay I was really in need of support, but luckily they sent me messages to cheer me up.

"The resort have a wonderful architectural essences ms. valdez"

And I passed my thesis, Balak ko sanang umuwi saamin kaya pag ka uwi ko sa condo ay nag ayos ako ng mga gamit.

I want to celebrate it with my mom kasi atlast makakagraduate na din ako.

"Ma?!" I screamed, ni isang ilaw ay walang nakabukas, I turned cold feet.

Lord wag naman po si mama, kaya niya naman po diba? "Ma?!?" I screamed and opened our door, the sala screamed eerie.

Wala ni isang katulong ang nasa bahay namin, magulo ang lahat. Nanginginig at naluluha kong pinihit ang door knob ni mama. I saw her there, hanging. Bigla akong nabingi sa nakita.

It not my mama diba? I refuse to believe that that's my mama. She won't leave me right?

That night I cried and cried, I can't help my self but to wonder, ganon ba talaga ang mundo? Iiwan ka nalang ng mga taong mahal na mahal mo? Puta naman im so tired.

Tulala ako ng nakita ko si lola sa pintuan. It's been a week and The pain is still fresh, lahat sila, yung pamilya ko patay na. Ano pa ba kulang? Masyado na pong masakit.

Di ako nag absent sa Iba pang mga gagawin sa school upang maka graduate kahit namamaga pa ang mga mata ko.

My friends never came, I told them abiut what happened pero bus daw sila at di sila makapunta. Pia always check on me if im ok even jerome. I haven't had check primus, months na ng huli ko siyang nakausap. I feel really left out. Lahat sila magandang buhay ang sumasalubong palagi sakanila.

Days went by fast, it was my graduation, luckily my friends came, but immediately left since they were all busy. Guess what I graduated Magna, but my mama didn't knew that.

I really felt the world betrayed me. Graduate na ako oh, eto lang naman pinaka hihintay namin ni mama pero di man lang niya nahintay. Ma ang daya daya mo naman. Bakit ganon? Parehas naman tayo na nawalan, parehas tayong nasaktan pero bakit ganon.

I cried and cried until I can't hear my own voice anymore. I got my blade beside my drawer, I couldn't feel that im alive, I need to feel physical pain.

I draw three lines in my wrist, starts bleeding, I couldn't feel anything, I felt numb. Masyado bakit ganon noh, palagi akong naiiwan.

Naguusap na kami nila Primus pero he turned cold, he wasn't the warm primus anymore.

Today I convinced my self to let go of my feelings for Primus, I'm done. But I decided to tell him.

Masyadong maraming nangyari sa buhay ko na dj ko maitatanging naging masaya ako. Pero ito ba ang kapalit? Ang maiwan ng lahat? Sawang sawa na ako.

:hi primus, I just wanna tell you kahit naman halata na, HAHAHAHA i like you.

Primus: hi Uno, I just wanna say thankyou, I really appreciate you feelings for me, alam ko it's very hard to confess pero heto ka nag confess. I realized na I have still a lot of priorities to do, I'm really sorry but I can't accept your feelings. But we can be friends right?

Friends, napatawa ako, that's bullshit. Siya pa may ganang mag reject sakin? huh. Ok

:ofc naman, alam mo naman we're besties.

I told him.

Napatulala ako sa bintana, bat ganon noh? Ang daya ng mga tao, lahat nalang Lord binabawi mo? Naging mabait naman ako pero bakit?

Sawang sawa na ako sa lahat. Alam ko nagiging pabigat na ako kila pia. Masyado na akong nasasakal sa lahat ng nangyayari sakin.

Lord bat naman ganito? Kelan niyo ba ako kulunin? Ha?!

Sigaw ako ng sigaw hanggang sa di ko na maranasan ang sakit ng puso ko. Bat ganon? Ang unfair.

Ilang linggo akong nag tago sa mga kaibigan ko, ilang linggo din silang nag tatawag o text. Im just tired.

The world inflicted a lot of pain in my system, I just couldn't feel anything.

I tried to call Primus pero he wouldn't answer. Sila pia din palaging busy. I felt the world turned around from me.

I tried regaining my life again, nag hanap ako ng mga trabaho para sa apprenticeship ko, pero wala din akong nahahanap.

Binisita ako nila Pia kahapon to check if I was ok. At umalis din sila agad. Binigyan lang ako ng pagkain.

Sa mga panahong iyun ay di na nag paramdam si Primus. I laugh sarcastically, who am I kidding? Kinausap lang naman ako non dahil bored. Jerome was right, dapat di na ako nag tiwala.

Tuwing gabi ay nag kukulong ako sa loob ng kwarto. Iyak ng iyak, sigaw ng sigaw.

"Ma!" I yelled pag ka labas ko. Nakita ko si mama nag hahanda ng pagkain. Am I dreaming? If I am please don't wake me up.

Nakita ko din si Shira at daddy nag uusap sa pagkainan. My family was complete. When mama saw me she immediately smiled. I miss my mama's smile.

"Akira?!?" Rinig kong sigaw ni Pia. Doon ko na realize na I was just Imagining things. I cried and cried nang lalambot ako. Yun na eh. Akala ko makakasama ko na sila.

"Akira naman bat ka nanaman naka paa? Alam mong masyadong maraming basag na vases nag kalat, bat di ka naglinis? Hm?" She asked me in her sweet tone.

"Pia, I just saw mama, papa and shira doon oh" turo ko sa may dining area. A tear escaped pia's eyes "akira..." she said

"Akira tara? Let's go upstairs? Hm?" She said at inakay ako pataas, I turned my head towards the dinning area and saw my family smiling at me.

"Akira you should eat" she said while holding a spoon. Di ako maka imik. "Pia... what if sumama ako sakanila?" Pia cried sa sinabi ko. "Aki naman, you're brave and strong oh, please don't, I'm always here for you naman diba?" Tumango ako.

Nagising ako sa mahinang sigaw ni pia. Nasa baba siya at may sinisigawan.

"Look Lev, she really needs me right now. My bestfriend need me" She said ng naluluha "I don't care Pia, I need you din naman ah. At isa pa nag papaka stress ka jan you know it's not good for our baby. Hm?" She's pregnant?

Unti unti akong bumalik sa kwarto at humiga. Ganon ba ako ka burden para sakanila? I chuckled, im sorry.

Pumasok si pia sa kwarto ko and kissed me goodnight sa noo. I was pretending that I'm sleeping para di na din maka dagdag sa abala.

Went I heared levi's engine started and slowly fading away. I rose from my bed. Nagsimula akong magligpit at mag ayos ng mga gamit. Nag luto din ako ng breakfast kahit di ako gutom.

Nilagay ko sa mga plato ang mga pagkain, para kay mama, papa at shira.

Matapos ko mag ayos ay naligo ako. I looked at my wrist, it was full of scars tainted red from the blood oozing out.

I turned the faucet in my bathtub on and immediately nag bihis, I wore a white dress at nag lagay din ako ng maliit na make up. I wrote letters for everyone. Yeena, Iyya, Jerome, Primus, Pia, My lola and Other persons.

I grabbed my blade and sat on my bat tub. I draw 5 deep lines on my wrist, blood oozing out. I could feel my self starting to feel numbing, the blood and the water from my bath tub mixed. Unti unti kong sinirado ang bumibigat ko na mata.

Kasabay ng unti unti kong pamamaalam sa mundong ibabaw.