Shy Whispers || Michael Clifford

22

A/N~ I'm putting this at the top this time because I don't want to ruin the ending. It might be a little confusing, but just know that she's switching from present tense to past tense a lot.

Also, I'd like to apologize for the ending.. pls don't kill me.

I love you guys! x

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Chapter 22

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Today marks one week of not going to school. The principal told me not to worry about make up work. She said I can take all the time I need to come back. I wasn't really worried anyways, I don't care about school. Not anymore.

I mean what's the point of getting a good education? They tell you it's so you can get a good job and earn a lot of money. But what's the point of that. Exactly, to live. So why does it matter if I'm living rich or if I'm living poor. Or maybe it would be better if I'm not living at all. I mean, just think about it. I wouldn't have to deal with all the hardships of life.

Some say the point of life is to fall in love. Well, I disagree. Love is a sham; it doesn't exist. We fool ourselves into thinking we have something special with someone, and then what. Then they go off and leave. Every time. And when they leave, they take you with them. Not your body, but your soul. Now you are just a soulless being, broken. And you can't get it back. You can try. I mean that's what you're forced to do: try. But you'll never be quite the same again. Some people never recover. They give their entire heart and soul to that soul-stealer. So when they eventually leave, they have nothing left. Nothing. Just like Julia.

Maybe I should explain.

It all started last week, a couple days after I came to band practice. It was a normal day at lunch, nothing special.

It was, however, the first day that Michael handed me a whole sandwich. I tried to refuse. I remember saying that he won't have a lunch once I take his, but he just pulled out another one.

"I made that one specifically for you," he said and pushed it further into my hands.

"With extra love," Luke said, wiggling his eyebrows. I laughed along with my friends and accepted the lunch.

I remember being content in that moment. I remember looking around at the smiling faces around me and feeling so.. happy. Yeah, that's the word. I was finally happy.

"Michael, seriously, when are you going to make a move?" Calum said to Michael and jerked his head to me. I giggled and looked at Michael.

"Yeah, when?"

He looked to me briefly and sent me a quick wink.

"Soon enough."

"But someone might steal me away before you get a chance," I said and looked over to Luke, "Sound familiar?"

Calum and Michael laughed loudly and Luke held up his hands like he was about to get arrested.

I took the last bite of my sandwich and Michael gave me a warm smile.

Oh how I miss that smile. I hope he's okay. He's probably worried sick about me. I wonder how many texts Luke has sent me. My phone died three days ago and I haven't bothered to charge it. I've barely gotten out of bed.

My mom often comes in my room and we just sit together for a while. We don't talk, it's too painful to talk. We both just enjoy the company of one another. Before she leaves, she always kisses me on the forehead and tell me that she loves me. And I say it back.

So back to my explanation, we were all laughing together, like normal.

And then Hope walked up to our table.

"What the fuck do you want?" Michael growled at her, glaring daggers.

"I uh- I found this in my room, Cecelia," she stuttered, holding her opened hand out towards me.

She was holding a blue notebook. The pages inside were tattered and you could see the spot where we spilled soda on it.

"Is this-?" I started to say, taking the notebook and opening the first page delicately.

"Yeah. Keep it," she said, giving me a smile. She whispered one last thing before turning around and heading back to her own table. "I'm sorry."

The boys gave me questioning looks, so I figured I had to explain the notebook to them.

"Way back when, when we used to sleepover each others houses practically every night, we made this journal of all of our adventures we had. We later filled it with other stuff like our crushes, recipes, and even our sticker collection," I explained and laughed, remembering all of the great times we shared.

"Crushes?" Calum asked, obviously curious.

"Yeah," I said, blushing like crazy, "Luke, you're in here."

Michael reached over with lightning speed and grabbed the notebook away from me, flipping through it ravenously.

"Aha!," he exclaimed and pointed at a page, "Today in science, Luke dropped a beaker on the ground. He looked so embarrassed and I felt sorry for him. We both reached for it at the same time and our hands touched. It was magical," Michael mocked me in his girl voice.

I hid my face in my hands and refused to meet their eyes.

"That's adorable," Calum cooed, laughing.

"She may have liked you before, but now she thinks I'm magical," Michael told Luke, both of them laughing.

I took back the notebook and shook my head, laughing with them.

My phone's tone went off for the first time that day. It was from Julia.

'I love you.'

At the time, I didn't think anything of it. I replied back, telling her I loved her. I don't even know if she got that message in the end. I'd like to think she did.

I remember that I put my phone back in my backpack pocket and continued laughing with my friends.

A few minutes later, my phone rang for the second time.

'I'm coming to pick you up, its an emergency. Love you, Mom.'

I remember that I freaked out. I showed my phone screen to Michael and he grabbed for my hand. I pulled away quickly and gathered all of my stuff, looking around the room in a panicked state. My mind swirled all at once, thinking of the worst possible situations that could've gone horribly wrong.

My friends were talking to me the whole time I was freaking out, but I didn't hear them. I was too concentrated on replying to my mom's text, asking her what happened.

And then my phone rang for the third time, with the message that changed my life.

The message that made me break down in the middle of the cafeteria. The message that made Michael have to carry me to my mother's car. The message that made me unable to get out of bed. The message that led me to not eating for days. The message that led me here, sitting on my bed, too sad to cry, with blood dripping down my arms from the deep, fresh slices across my once so perfect skin.

'It's Julia. She killed herself."