Lying on my bed makes everything seem as if what happened tonight wasn't real. The club, the weed, arguing, the kiss. Oh god, the kiss. I haven't the slightest on what I was doing. Zayn kept going on and on and apologizing. I don't know if was just a strong desire or to silence him but I don't regret it as much as I should.
Maybe I should have waited when we didn't have a huge fight. But I felt it was necessary. Zayn seems like one to not have big apologies, like he rarely says he's sorry. I guess I pitied him a little and wanted to make sure he understood that I forgave him. Well, partly forgave him. I can not hold a grudge on something like this forever, though. It's more than likely that after a few months, maybe even days, I will never see him again and to forever hold this against him is pitiful.
Zayn also seemed at his most vulnerable and I was afraid he was going to break. His eyes were intense and the memory of him sitting against the building is heart wrenching. His figure, stiff and his hair blowing gently against his forehead. My emotions where everywhere and it was confusing to say the least. To state simply, he had me wrapped around his finger.
But afterwards, Zayn dropped me off at my home and to my surprise, didn't try to kiss me when doing so. He simply smiled kindly at me, almost seeming sincere and gave me a hug. A wonderful hug in which he engulfed me in his arms, my cheek pressed against his shoulder and squeezed me tightly. It was shocking but sweet nonetheless. Zayn whispered me a goodnight, telling me to have sweet dreams and watched me head inside before driving away. Zayn seemed to accept and know that he should not push his limits any further considering what happened and I am grateful for it.
So now I lie on my bed, my heart pounding loud enough for the neighbors to hear. The smile on my face feels stuck, permanent on my features. Things could have gone much better, but in the end it's okay.
I kick my shoes off and curl into a ball. Too exhausted physically but mainly mentally, I bring the blanket with me to be bundled in its warmth. With the moonlight streaming in from overhead, I feel at peace as my eyes drift shut.
-
I hand Becky a shirt over the door, as she continues to mumble about how she's not going to have enough money for it all. I laugh, the door soon opening to reveal my friend and we leave the fitting rooms.
"So." Becky beings, hooking her arm with mine. "I am going to buy these. Then we are going to get food. There, we are going to discuss what happened and you will not complain, not even once. It has been a week and I have not heard a single detail so I need a full, in depth, description on what the hell happened with Zayn."
The best way to say it is I have been avoiding this topic with Becky. I have told her of everything that has happened before, from how he followed me and to how he lied of his name but not this bit. I adore and love her to death, but when she becomes concerned for me, she acts much more mature and lectures me. She loves to be right so she will argue with me until I am forced to just accept what she proclaims. I enjoy her advice for some situations, but when it comes to romance, her protective instincts are in full gear.
I slowly agree as she pays for her clothes and we soon drive to a small diner for lunch. When we're settled with drinks ordered, Becky places her hands on top of one another and she smiles at me.
"Well." She says.
"Well. It's complicated." I sigh, running a hand through my hair, an annoying habit I've adopted over the years.
"I got that part. You've been avoiding it for a week now so thanks for that bit of info." Becky retorts sarcastically. "Now spill it. And no trying to back out."
After giving her a minute of silence, I sigh for what feels like the millionth time in the past hour.
"Let me finish and don't be harsh, got it?" With a nod of her head, I explain. I tell her what happened, beginning to end. About the club, the VIP passes. About the dancing and the arguing, the room and the weed. I do as promised and tell her everything, every little detail. From the placement of his hands, to how we sat on the couch. Nothing was left out. I got to the big fight. From how I hollered and screamed and how he acted. But then I got to the kiss. To my relief, Becky remains silent and doesn't interject. I continue on about sitting against the building, talking. How he dropped me off and was polite. And soon there was no more to tell.
