Heywood Equestrian Stables

A Race, A Wedding, A Beginning

"What do you mean you think you're pregnant? I thought you were on birth control?" he asked.

"I am," I answered. "But lately I've been feeling strange. I haven't had an appetite, I've been extra tired. I don't feel like myself. Something is off. Listening to Esther talk got me thinking and I think I might be."

"You don't think it's the stress of everything going on and what's happened the last few weeks?" he wondered.

I shrugged my shoulders and looked at him sadly. "It could be. I don't know."

He pulled me into him for an embrace as if trying to comfort me. "I'll go into town and get you a test," he offered. "Maybe you should rest until I get back."

He kissed my temple and gently motioned for me to crawl under the blankets. I did and settled back into the pillow. My heart was racing while I waited for him to get a test. A part of me wanted to believe this was a good thing. Having a baby with Sidney was exactly what I wanted. However, it wasn't what I had planned. I wasn't sure if I was ready.

After what seemed like forever, Sidney finally returned with a test. He handed it to me and stared at it with a worried expression. "If it's positive, how are you going to feel?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and let it out fast and exaggeratedly. "I guess I'll be excited and nervous. I want us to have a family. How are you going to feel?"

I looked down and shook my head. "Probably the same. I'm terrified more than anything," I admitted.

He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly against his chest. "Whatever it says, we will get through it. We've talked about having kids someday. This could be the start of something really great."

I took a deep breath and pulled away from him to go take the test. When I was done, I walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed next to him. I held the test face down, unwilling to look. The more time went by and the more I got used to the idea, the more I wanted it to be positive. I knew Sidney wanted children. I knew he would be thrilled. I wanted to make him happy.

I glanced at him to see if he was ready. He rubbed my back and squeezed my shoulders to encourage me. I flipped it over and we both stared at the results intently. The test indicated not pregnant.

All the emotional and physical changes were not because of being pregnant. We both sighed in unison at seeing the results. I couldn't tell if Sidney sighed out of relief or disappointment. I couldn't even tell truthfully what my reaction was. Regardless, I felt as if I had let him down. I broke down crying and buried my face in his chest.

"It's alright," he whispered. "We hadn't planned to have a baby yet. We have plenty of time to try."

"I know," I cried. "I was so sure I was. I thought it would explain why I've been so emotional and feeling sick to my stomach. Now I don't know why. What if there's something wrong with me?"

"Maybe it's time to see someone," he suggested. "Let's go home and get you scheduled to see a doctor."

I took a deep breath and rose my head to look at him. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and gave me an encouraging smile. "Did I let you down?"

"No!" he exclaimed. "Not at all, Charlotte. Please don't ever think you're letting me down."

"I know you want a baby. You've talked about it before. I see it in your eyes when you hold Charlie. You want to be a father."

"Of course, I want to be a father," he agreed. "I'm not going to deny that. I'm not in any hurry, though. When the time is right, we will make it happen. I think we need to focus on planning a wedding first."