COMA; Karl Jacobs x Female Reader

38

PLEASE READ THE ENDING BIT AFTER CHAPTER HAS ENDED.

ALSO AGAIN, I EDITED A LOT OF CHAP 37! PLEASE REREAD IF YOU HAVENT.

⚠️CHAPTER TRIGGER WARNINGS⚠️:
- suicidal thoughts
- self harm
- depression
- eating disorder
if any of these are triggering for you, PLEASE skip this chapter.
i will be putting the trigger warnings before them, and 🟢 when they're done.
stay safe everyone. i love you so very much, you're so worth it.

—

it's been a couple days since i've seen karl. i've avoided everyones calls and texts. i've barely gotten any sleep and my nightmares are worsening each night i do actually get some sleep.

i've fallen into a depressive state after the fire dream, and the dreams that follow it are traumatizing. one night i had the same dream from before but instead of my parents it was karl. another night i had a nightmare that jimmy, chandler and chris all got into a car accident, the same one my parents got into. everything just keeps repeating in my head throughout the day giving me endless migraines, and i have no idea how to get it to stop.

the only thing rattling my brain is the death of my loved ones, and i hadn't had these feelings since before i met karl. i couldn't bring myself to eating, to showering, to cleaning up my mess. i was a train wreck and i knew i would be for a while if these dreams kept happening.

i sat up in my bed and looked at my surroundings, taking in that i wasn't in my childhood bedroom anymore. my breathing stabilized and the sweat beads on my forehead were wiped away as i took the water from my nightstand and downed it like it was nothing.

tonight was the 2nd night in a row i've had that dream, and no matter how much it hurts to watch them die it just keeps happening. why am i having the same dreams over and over again? why won't they stop? how do i get them to stop?

i stood from my bed and walked into my bathroom groggily. not eating for 2 days straight was nothing to me at this point.

i stared at my weightless body in the mirror and examined the stretchiness of my skin. i looked down at myself and hated what i saw.

TW: EATING DISORDER
"you disgusting piece of garbage" i said, barely being able to bring above a whisper with how little energy i had.

i walked over to my toilet and brought my index and middle finger to my mouth, shoving them as far as i could down my throat until the familiar feeling was brought to my stomach.

i coughed up nothing but water, as i had nothing else in my system. i flushed the toilet and washed my hands excessively before bringing my hair into a pony tail. i looked at my body again only to be met with someone i couldn't even recognize.

my ribs were peeping through my skin, completely visible with the crop top i wore. my legs were becoming bony and irregular. i'd noticed that the leggings i wore that once fight tightly around my legs were now slightly baggy.
🟢

it immediately brought me to tears how much i hadn't taken care of myself this week. the sight of all of my loved ones dying before my eyes flashed through my brain every 10 minutes it felt like, which only brought me into a more depressive state than before. i had no where to go but down.