Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Song tip: ghost Town- Kanye west
"Oh, once again I am a child I let it all go, of everything that I know, yeah Of everything that I know, yeah And nothing hurts anymore, I feel kinda free We're still the kids we used to be, yeah, yeah I put my hand on the stove, to see if I still bleed Yeah, and nothing hurts anymore, I feel kinda free"
/////
TW: suicide.
/////
It was alone in the house. Dark and alone. Oikawa closed his eyes and reached out his hand. Gripping onto the vast darkness as hard as he could. He felt a hot tear roll down his cheek. It had been so long since he had cried like this.
With no noise. It was the kind of crying that hurt the most because you want to explode and you can feel yourself teetering on the edge but you can't physically push yourself to release that knot in your chest. No matter how hard you try.
Oikawa was hoping that while he had his hand stuck out, Someone, Iwaizumi, would grip onto it. He would hold on, digging his nails into the skin as he oh so desperately tried to keep his lover above water. The same thing that no one ever did for him.
But that Iwaizumi was the real one. The one that died, that was the one Oikawa wanted to grip onto his hand.
He felt like a child, constantly chasing after something that was merely just a thought. A thought of what should've been. Iwaizumi should've lived and they should've gone to college together and life shouldn't have been what it was now.
A living hell.
Because it had just hit him. Iwaizumi was dead. Gone. Never to return.
The tears kept coming but Oikawa never came any closer to falling over the edge of that emotional release he needed and it was killing him as he clenched his fist in the darkness.
Iwaizumi was dead.
It kept echoing in his head and it became considerably harder to breathe. He wasn't going to break down again. No. He couldn't embarrass his mother any further. He had already put her through enough.
It finally dawned on him that this house had always been empty. Maybe that's why he made it so the lights didn't have to work and the curtains were always closed. So he didn't have to see how utterly alone he was. So the light wouldn't shine in and wash the imagined Iwaizumi away.
But now he was gone, even when it was dark and Oikawa was in pain, he was still gone. He always had been.
Deep down, Oikawa knew Iwaizumi wasn't forever, he wasn't even there to start off with.
Iwaizumi had died, he had succumbed to the pressure of his villainous thoughts. The heinous ideas that he wasn't worthy of love, that he wasn't worthy of anything. It had killed him in the end.
Oikawa wished he had noticed it sooner, he was blinded by the anger he felt when Iwaizumi had started to distance himself away from him and their friends. He didn't even stop to consider why he was doing that. Oikawa was just being selfish.
He'd do anything to get his lover back. His person.
He had already been doing everything, he went as far as to make up his own little world in his own little head where he lived in this very house with the man he made up. The man he had convinced himself he loved.
He did love Iwaizumi, but not that one. That Iwaizumi wasn't his.
Oikawa sighed out deeply as he let his arm fall to his side limply, His life without Iwaizumi was simply monotonous. It was torture and he almost didn't want to believe it was true. But be couldn't stand being without him.
Before he even knew it, he was living for Hajime, and Hajime only.
Oikawa opened his eyes and took in the dark void of his living room. Hunger and longing seeped into every crevice of the place. He'd never felt so cold.
Oikawa looked down at the hand that had yet to move, it held a bottle of whiskey. His anxiety meds were on the table next to him. He made use of his free hand as he reached for them, the lid was already unscrewed.
As he reached his sleeve rolled up a bit, his old scars caught his eye and he sighed. Had he really let himself live like this for so long?
Welp, not anymore.
Oikawa tipped the whole bottle into his lap before he, one by one, started placing the pills in his mouth. Once he had a good mouthful he would take a swig of whiskey and once all the pills in his mouth were swallowed, he'd continue it until his lap was empty.
When that time came, he was starting to feel the alcohol kick in as he reached for his antipsychotics and repeated the whole process until his bottle was empty and his mind was hazy.
He didn't know what to do now so he lay down on his couch and laughed. It was a guttural laugh that harshly ripped through the pathetic house as the words 'Iwaizumi is dead' continued to swirl around his brain.
Of course, with the laughing came tears. One after another, they would slide down the side of his face as he stared up at his ceiling and chortled.
Eventually, Oikawa's eyes got heavy and he found that breathing had gotten considerably harder. His chest hurt from the non-stop laughter as he let himself drift off into a comfortable rest.
One he wouldn't wake up from. One where he could meet Iwaizumi again- the one he fell in love with all those years ago.
Oikawa died that night. Well really, he died when Iwaizumi had. Now he was just paying forward for his long-overdue time on this earth. He was begging the grim-reaper to take care of his friends and let them live long fulfilling lives as he slipped off.
Finally, this is where two lost boys would find themselves together again.
The end.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
. . . . . . . . .
Thank you so much for reading! 🥺 and I am so sorry 😉😅
