ɪᴡᴀɪᴢᴜᴍɪ, ᴅᴇᴀʀ // ɪᴡᴀᴏɪ ✔

-'ʸᵒᵘʳ ˡᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵒⁿ ᵃ ˡᵉᵃˢʰ'-

song tip: The cut that always bleeds - Conan Gray

"'Cause you keep me on a rope, And tied a noose around my throat, You're gone, then back at my door"

///

Suga notified the others that Oikawa was now allowed visitors, as he had been told that morning when he went back to the hospital with Daichi. 

Everyone replied within an hour so explaining who would drop by and when. For the moment it was just Suga and Daichi as they followed a nurse down a long corridor. Suga always hated the smell of hospitals, despite one of his close friends being a doctor, the smell of sanitation mixed with death made him uncomfortable. 

But Oikawa needed him so he was going to be there, no matter how uncomfortable the atmosphere of Miyagi memorial made him. 

They came to a stop outside a door and Daichi placed a comforting hand on his Fiance's shoulder before they entered. Earlier in the morning, Asahi had come in and asked Oikawa some question before deeming it safe enough for his restraints to be removed. 

Oikawa was sitting up eating some Jelly from the cafeteria. It took him a moment to notice the presence of his friends, but once he did, Suga saw how his face lit up in joy and the brunette comically dropped all the Jelly into his lap. 

He didn't seem to care about that though as he extended his bandaged arms and beckoned Suga into an excited hug. "How are you feeling 'Kawa?" 

"Good! Weird at first but good now." Oikawa smiled at Daichi who gladly returned the gesture before claiming that he had to leave on time for his shift down at the station. Suga kissed his cheek and Daichi left after saying bye to the two men in the room. 

"Everyone else should be dropping by throughout the day." Oikawa's face lit up at that information and Suga could tell that the boy missed his friends, he couldn't help but think about how the night here must've been pretty lonely. He wondered if Oikawa had taken in Akaashi's words, as stupid as they were. 

Suga wasn't necessarily mad at Akaashi but he knew when his friends were being foolish and that, Akaashi blurting it out, was an act of foolishness in his mind. He always knew Akaashi to be calm and collected so the incident threw him off massively. He didn't get much sleep last night.  

Oikawa was rambling on about things like how he often gets cold in this room and how he actually hates Jelly but it was the best that the cafeteria had to offer. Suga wasn't really listening, he was more concerned about Oikawa's mental state. 

The man seemed to be quite happy as he blabbed on but Oikawa always seemed happy about everything. He'd smile through Iwaizumi's insults and he'd laugh while Suga tended to whatever injuries that the man often ended up with. He was always happy, and Suga didn't think it was a disguise, it was more of a mental block that Oikawa had put up without even realising.

It made the man seem childish but Suga knew that there was a lot there that Oikawa didn't know how to deal with. His childish behaviour usually compelled people to help him with anything he needed help with or to give him the loving attention that he hadn't had in so long. 

"So...what's gonna happen then?"

"Hm...I don't know, haven't really thought about it. I wanna leave soon so I can see Iwa. He gets really lonely without me."

Suga inhaled sharply as Oikawa's words hit him in the chest. Hard. Oikawa kept talking. 

"I don't want him to get lonely again. I guess I need to be better huh?" 

Suga didn't know what to say. He felt like screaming and crying, screaming about how Iwaizumi is dead! But he was better than that so he took a second to breathe and recollect his thought as Oikawa once again started talking about all sorts of nonsense. 

"O-Oikawa...Do you remember what Akaashi said? yesterday, in the ice-cream bar." 

Oikawa stilled for a moment, the joyful glint in his eyes seemingly disappeared as he fiddled with his hands, stretching his fingers, bending them to their limit before letting them relax for a second before starting all over again. 

"Well...Of course, how could I forget...?" 

Suga was stuck. was Oikawa purposefully ignoring everything? Was he intentionally letting Iwaizumi ruin his life?  

"'Kawa..." 

Oikawa tilted his head in confusion at Suga's wide eyes, the tears that were threatening to fall and the way that the man's hands were slightly trembling. He Knew Suga wouldn't understand, no one ever did, but Suga was the closest to it so why now was he breaking? 

Did Suga really not get that as much as Oikawa tried to let go of Iwaizumi, he couldn't? Oikawa felt himself get roughly dragged back by the neck every time he dared to fathom the thought that maybe Iwaizumi really was gone for good.  He felt a part of him die with his lover that night he found him. That part of him just so happened to be a massive chunk of all his sane feelings and thoughts and the poor man was left with nothing but the shadow of his dead boyfriend looming over his shoulder.  Hell, he even bought a house for the two to live in. A house to cater to him and his own twisted imagination. 

But Iwaizumi felt so real to him. He knew that Suga knew that Oikawa didn't actually believe that the Iwaizumi he had created was real, but recently the line between real and imaginary had become very blurred. He didn't seem to know anything anymore. 

Suga snapped out his daze and sighed lowly before offering a small smile to Oikawa. 

"Listen...I gotta go 'Kawa...but I'll be back later." 

It was slightly awkward as Suga left the room. He left the hospital, after saying hello to Asahi, and got in his car. It was a simple 2018 Chevrolet Suburban but he loved it. It didn't seem that way though since as soon as he got in, he found himself banging his fists down on the steering wheel until his wrists stung and he had let out most of his pent up frustration. 

He was frustrated because Oikawa was still hopelessly hanging onto Iwaizumi and it was slowly killing him.