Faith In Me

9.

Uncertainty, Robert felt nothing but uncertainty. Robert sort of regretted shagging Mary in the bathroom like that, he knew he was drunk and not thinking properly. Robert just felt so guilty, these thoughts about simon were driving him mad- but at the same time robert couldn’t bring himself to let himself fall into such a rotten mindset. To have these thoughts of another man were wrong, Robert had been taught that his entire life.

Robert tried so hard to push these feelings down, to ignore them in hopes of them just disappearing, but that night at the bar…

Robert couldn’t allow himself to fantasize about Simon watching him. Robert didn’t even know if he really saw Simon standing by the door. It was all foggy, Robert couldn’t even remember what happened after that. 

“Fuck..” robert sighed, rubbing his forehead with a stressed expression before looking over to the grandfather clock looming over him. The time read 1:35 pm, Robert would have to leave soon. Ever since they signed with Barry, the cure had been working almost every day to get this album recorded and published. It was a lot of work, but Robert was enjoying himself.

Heaving himself up with a groan, Robert grabbed the keys to his father’s van that he had taken possession of. Robert told his father he would pay for the gas, and other things of that matter. His father didn’t give Robert too much grief, much to Robert's surprise.

“I'm going out!” Robert called, snatching his pack of cigarettes off the coffee table before simply leaving once more. With every passing day, Robert was home less and less; he was merely a shadow in the corners of the room at that house. No one really cared, or  noticed really. Robert liked that though, it caused less problems.

Robert walked purposefully out the front door and to the van; peeking through the windows of the back door to see the band’s gear all stacked up in the bed. Robert hummed, talking his fingers against the metal door before walking to the driver’s seat and clambering in, shivering as the cold leather touched him.

“Bloody hell..” Robert huffed, shaking his head before revving up the van and lighting a cigarette, relaxing for a moment and mentally preparing himself for another day of being in the dark studio with 3 other people.

In the studio with simon…

Robert pursed his lips before taking another drag and putting the van in reverse, shaking away those sinful thoughts and focusing on the task at hand. Getting to the studio alive in the fucking death trap of a van he was driving. 

~~~~

“Alright lol- one more time!” Barry said, resetting the track before sitting back and taking a drink from his cocktail. “Mn, gotta say this is going very well boys” Barry praised, turning around in his chair to look at simon. “After today, we will move on to you mr. hunky” barry teased, making Simon laugh a little.

Barry winking before turning his focus back to lol, who had a focused look on his face as he played along to the timer.

Robert sat on the couch, away from Simon and Barry, steadily biting his nails. Robert was zoned out, teeth gnawing at the tender flesh until the taste of copper touched Robert's tongue and he moved on to the next finger. Robert felt anxious, he kept stealing glances at simon; wondering if Simon was really there- watching Robert as he fucked mary..

Robert felt his face burn and he crossed his legs, taking in a shaky breath before switching hands and going to town on the poor skin by his nails, not caring if he accidentally made them bleed.

‘Why won't he look at me?’ Robert fretted, feeling like a dark cloud was swarming inside his head, feeding into his fears and making him feel like he was suffocating inside the studio. Robert was so poorly lost in his thoughts, that he didn’t even realize Barry was talking to  him.