Faith In Me

20.

Robert grabbed his bottle of vodka,tilting his head back and downing the rest of its contents before wiping his mouth. He was exhausted, he felt restless; like a walking corpse really. Robert didn’t know how to go about his days anymore, with everything that had happened; everything that had been said and done to him… robert felt rotten, like he had been possessed by something evil. Robert wanted to shrivel up into a ball and turn to dust.

Robert had secluded himself for weeks now- no one bothered to call, well mary did but robert was fed up with her ignorant advances; he just blew her off by now. Robert hadn’t heard from Simon or seen him, Robert didn’t care. At least that's what he told himself; that he didn’t care, and that he didn’t need simon around to be okay.

Robert tossed the empty bottle onto the ground before running a hand through his tangled mess that was his hair.  He hadn’t showered in weeks since what happened with simon. The way Simon looked at Robert, it haunted him; he couldn’t get the heartbreak out of his mind. Robert had thrown his sheets in the wahs to try and get rid of the blood; but the stains still stayed, reminding Robert of what he had done. Robert couldn’t sleep in his own bed anymore.

Robert trudged solemnly over to his window, simply standing there and letting the sun warm his face; feeling human for just a moment before he looked over to the calendar and saw that day it was. 

It was may 27th. The day they were supposed to start their first tour. Robert would have to be around simon- he would have to sit in the same bloody van with barry. Robert swallowed thickly, feeling anxiety rising in his chest before he took in a shaky breath. Robert didn’t want to be around Barry, the memories were still too fresh. He could sometimes still feel Barry's foot stepping on his crotch, the disgusting taste of Barry's lips against his. Robert touched his mouth before closing his eyes, willing himself to push those images away once more.

Robert had to prove he was strong enough to deal with it. He NEEDED to; he didn’t care what he had to do to get through it. 

With that thought in mind, Robert spent the next early hours of the morning packing clothes. Robert remembered lol saying he would bring the gear to whatever they were driving for the tour. Robert stuffed his stash of weed into the front pockets of his suitcase as well; he had just recently bought more from his dealer. Robert kept that a secret from everyone though, he didn't need then getting into his business…

Robert tossed the heavy suitcase onto his bed before sighing, feeling rather unexcited. Robert stood still for a moment before looking at the time. It was mid day now, the liquor stores should be open. “Might as well stock up on that, I'm going to need it..” Robert mumbled, rubbing his chin before shaking his head and snatching his wallet off the bookshelf that stood next to his now empty closet. Robert pulled on his shoes before walking out of his room and down the stairs. It was still early, but the chance of running into one of his family members gave Robert the urgency to get out before he was noticed.

Much to his luck though, his mother was already up and eager to see him. “Robert! It’s a big day, I made breakfast for you! Sit down and eat” Rita said, noticing how Robert had his wallet in hand. “Oh? Are you going somewhere robert?” Rita said, “It's so early in the morning though?” Rita frowned, suddenly looking suspicious. Robert opened his mouth to speak, eyes darting everywhere until he forced a smile. “I was just going to run to the market to grab snacks before… leaving.'' Robert said, rubbing his neck.

“Oh! Well alright, that makes sense… but still, i want to spend the morning with you before you have to go. So, come eat with your mother” Rita said, walking up to Robert and taking his arm; pulling him in the direction of the kitchen. Robert knew he couldn’t say no, especially since he was going to be gone for at least a month. Robert sighed before relenting and allowing his mother to guide him to the kitchen; where an overly large breakfast sat waiting for robert.