Faith In Me

16.

After that day; robert had been trying his best to distance himself from Barry as well as keeping Simon in check. He didn’t want to risk their success as a band because Barry was a creep. Robert had to endure the unnerving looks and narky comments from barry. Things with simon were still a bit tense as well, however things were slowly starting to get better.

Robert had seen Simon hanging around Carol more, much to his surprise. Robert didn't really see Simon as a relationship type. It stirred something inside of Robert, seeing Simon being kissed on by a woman…

It didn’t matter though. This was how things were supposed to be. 

Robert had put a bit of space between him and Simon as well, however Robert still longed to be close to Simon, he would keep that line set in the ground. Robert would be happy as long as he had simon as a friend- as long as he had simon by his side robert would be fine!!!!

It was crack and Robert knew that. He couldn't do much about it though, seeing as HE was the one to end things. So, to cope with Simon hanging around another woman; robert turned back to mary. Robert had appeared on her doorstep one evening, said how sorry he was for being an ass and almost immediately Mary had forgiven him. She was a fool to do so; Robert knew that.

As the days passed things slowly started to feel normal again, robert would spend most of his time with mary; listening to music and going on stupid dates here and there.  Robert wondered if Simon was doing the same thing as he was, and it made him feel bitter….

“Robert?” Mary's concerned voice suddenly coughs at Robert's attention. Robert turned and looked at Mary, a surprised look resting on his face. “Sorry?” Robert asked, a nervous chuckle rising from him before he bit his nails. Mary smiled and shook her head, “it’s alright love, i know you like to think. I was asking about your album! Isn’t it releasing today?” Mary asked, looking over to a calendar that hung loosely on the wall. 

Robert leaned forward as well to take a glance, seeing that it was in fact may 8th. The day they were supposed to release their album, Barry had made plans to make a few records of the cure’s debut album and allow the stores to sell them. Of course the band members would get the first copy

“It is..” Robert said quietly before looking at Mary with a questioning glint in his eye. “Then shouldnt you be at the stupid with the boys? You all should be together!” Mary smiled, clasping her hand tightly around Robert's. Robert pursed his lips before shrugging, “guess so. Everyone’s been a bit busy lately, with getting ready to play shows.” Robert said, glancing at the clock on the wall. “And we were supposed to meet up for a sort of.. Release party, but i think it's actually just going to be a houseparty at lola's.'' Robert hummed, looking to marry.

“What time is the party at?” Mary asked, drawing circles on Robert's hand. “Starts at 7.” Robert said curtly, leaning back against Mary's couch. “Ah… so we have a bit of time before you have to leave then.” Mary mused, glancing at Robert before smiling shyly. Mary moved closer to her lover, leaning against Robert before placing her hand on Robert's thigh. “What do you say we have our own bit of fun before then?” Mary asked softly, rubbing Robert's thigh.

Robert set his jaw to keep himself from cringing away from Mary's touch. Robert had been having a little bit of a mental block when it came to that sort of thing at the moment; being with Mary just didn’t excite robert. However, to avoid any confrontation, he would allow these things to happen. To let Mary do as she pleased, to touch him and he would do the same.

It all felt so dull though…

Robert flinched when Mary's hand slid to his inner thigh and brushed against his crotch. He felt Mary lean close and kiss his cheek, “can we?” Mary said softly, gazing gently into Robert's eyes. Robert breathed in slowly before nodding his head, not trusting himself to speak. Mary smiled, her cheeks turning pink from excitement. 

Robert watched as Mary climbed over him and pressed her ass against his crotch, slowly moving her hips in a circular motion to get a rise out of robert. Robert winced and closed his eyes, forcing himself to relax as Mary took advantage of his body.

Was it always supposed to be like this?

~~~~

It was half past seven now, and Robert was finally arriving at lol’s pad for the release party. Robert had spent his extra time drinking at a pub after he shagged Mary to get his mind off of his inner turmoil. Robert opened the front door of lol’s house, knowing that it would be unlocked because lol didn’t care if his house was broken into. 

Slowly, Robert shuffled to the living room where he saw a bunch of people hanging around and drinking. Robert was surprised to see so many people; but then he remembered that lol was a bit of a socialite and knew a lot of people. Robert saw Simon and Carol sitting on the couch together, beers in hand and chatting away merrily.

Robert set his jaw before turning away, rubbing his face awkwardly before shuffling to the kitchen to find lol talking with porl. Robert eyes porl before approaching finally, catching lol’s attention. “Ah! Finally you show up!” lol grinned, bringing rabbit into a tight hug before looking to porl.  Porl smiled kindly at Robert, realizing that Robert was the lead singer. “Hey robert!” porl said, fixing his posture. 

Robert flashed a small smile before stepping away from lol, who already looked a bit drunk. Robert ran a hand through his hair before letting out a breath, “hi prol. Who are all these people?” Robert asked, glancing back over his shoulder to see the living room bustling with people. It was surprising really.

“Oh well, I invited a few friends, lol invited a few friends. I don't know where all these other people came from though” prol said, pulling himself up to sit on lol’s counter. Robert grimaced before looking back at lol. “Are they expecting something?” Robert asked, hoping that they weren’t going to play. Robert didn’t feel up to that at the moment…

“No, to them this is probably just a random house party” lol said, walking close to lol and leaning against the counter. Porl smiled and laid his arms over lol’s shoulder, leaving forward to place his chin on top of lols curly head. Robert tensed, watching as lol’s cheeks turned pink and he sighed. Robert nodded his head before grabbing a beer and shuffling out of the kitchen; not wanting to witness that. 

Robert opened his beer before taking a long drink. Robert sighed and went over to the wall, leaning against it and simply watching the crowd of dancing bodies. Robert sunk further down the wall before filannyl sitting down. Robert hugged his knees to his chest, guzzling his drink before setting it down on the floor and sighing. Robert would have brought Mary, but she had a birthday dinner with her girlfriends…

Robert rubbed his face before finishing off his beer and pushing it away with his foot. Robert was feeling rather pessimistic now; he wondered if Simon was with carol. He wondered if lol and pearl were having the same kind of issues robert and simon were. Robert sighed, laying his chin on his knees before closing his eyes; feeling exhausted. 

Robert was glad things were starting to go back to normal, but he wondered if HE would ever be able to feel normal again. What good was it to have normality if Robert felt so utterly useless and rotten? Robert wondered if sacrificing what he wanted was better than giving into his desires. Seeing simon in the arms of another woman made robert’s heart ache…

Robert wished he could take it all back. Everything, he wanted everything to just stop so he could think and try to understand what was wrong with his brain. ‘Maybe i’ve developed a mental disorder… Maybe I'm just crazy?’ Robert thought in a defeated manner, his thoughts drowning out the annoyingly loud chatter around him…