Faith In Me

14.

“Robert, you’re looking a bit thin, are you taking care of yourself?” Mary asked, touching Robert's face with her small hands. Robert closed his eyes, feeling nothing but self loathing form the gentle touch; he wished he would stop feeling so dreadfully sick. It was all in his head, the feelings, the sensations… Robert tried his best to keep his brain busy with music or mary; but he just… 

He couldn't function well at the moment.  

“I am… to the best of my abilities, been having had a hard time sleeping recently” Robert mumbled, grasping Mary's wrists and pushing them away gently. He didn’t want to be mean, or take his frustrations out on her. She didn’t even know anything.

“Is it because of the album? It’s releasing soon right?” Mary said, offering a kind of understanding smile; but Robert only shrugged.  “Guess so.” he mumbled before turning away and shuffling over to Mary's couch; sitting down slowly before sighing. “Are… are you having a bit of a fight with simon love?”

Robert tensed at the mention of Simon's name, and without thinking he sent a dark glare to his girlfriend.  “No- I'm not.” Robert said lowly before turning away, a deep frown resting on his face. There was a moment of silence before Mary walked over and sat next to Robert, placing her hand on Robert's back. “I'm sure if you just talk to him Robert, you’ll make up,” Mary said.

Robert had to stop himself from cussing at mary; why did she always have to try and understand, and why the fuck did she always have to be touching him!

“It’s not that easy Mary, I don't expect you to understand so just cut it out,” Robert said a bit harshly, brushing Mary's hand away once more before standing up. Mary gazed at Robert in shock, not used to Robert being so aloof and cold. “Where are you going robert?” Mary asked, standing up with Robert, who was already walking towards the door. 

“For a walk- i need to think” Robert said quietly, grasping the door handle before simply walking out, ignoring Mary's call for him. Robert needed to be alone, before he snapped and hurt Mary's feelings. Recently that's all Robert had been doing, hurting people. It made Robert feel sick to his stomach, but he just couldn’t stop.

Robert shoved his hands into his pockets, eyes trained on the ground as he walked aimlessly, not sure where he was going. It felt like there were hands digging inside of Robert's brain, controlling his actions and making him impulsive do things without thinking. Robert was really beating himself up..

Robert sighed heavily, feeling the need for a drink. 

Without a second thought, Robert walked to his favorite pub; where Simon had caught him and that Eric fellow kissing in the bathroom.  Robert had caught Eric eyeing him every now and then, though Robert didn’t do anything about it. He didn’t really care at the moment, his thoughts were too preoccupied.

~~~

“You’ve been coming around here a lot recently, Robert, '' Eric noted, sliding Robert's normal request, a large pint of beer.  “So what Eric, do I look like I'm in a talking mood” Robert grumbled in a moody manner, grasping his drink and taking a long drink. Eric raised an eyebrow at Robert before holding his hands up in surrender and leaving Robert to his own devices. 

Robert sighed, leaning his chin on his pal as he traced his finger around the rim of his drink, his thoughts once more falling onto simon. It had been a week since they last spoke. Robert found himself missing simon more and more with each day; and he wondered if maybe it was his fault for making things complicated. Robert cursed his morals, wishing he could just stop caring so much. 

Robert lifting his drink once more before guzzling the rest of the bitter liquid, slamming it down before wiping his mouth. ‘Maybe I should just talk to him like Mary said, maybe he’ll understand’ Robert thought, tapping his fingers on the bar and ordering another drink.