The Mimic

14

"You ruined my cake!" Sam said in annoyance. Obviously not happy with the results of neither of the teams winning. He knew it was a game, but he was still competitive. Bucky rolled his eyes with an annoyed laugh. "You ruined mine too, Sam." He murmured. The pair had been tasked to cleaning up the mess they'd made in the kitchen, since it was mostly their fault - and despite their bickering, they made a pretty good team. Sam shook his head, beginning to dry one of the mixing bowls that Bucky had just washed. "No, I poured flour on your head. I didn't aim it at the bowl. You sabotaged me on purpose." Sam said dramatically, pointing at Bucky with the dishtowel before he continued to dry the bowl. 

Once the kitchen was clean, Bucky decided to take a walk around the compound. Just wanting some time to himself after a nice, but eventful day. It was nice to be involved in something so fun, even if he knew it was just out of pity. Bucky was still struggling to fit in, especially due to everyone being so close. Even y/n seemed to be fitting in better than him. Their relationship was a tricky one. Yes, they'd been working as partners for decades, but they weren't 'there' for much of it. It was all brainwashing and torture. God, they didn't even know one another's names until they arrived at the compound. It was like they were complete strangers, but not. They could relate to one another so well, yet they didn't know a thing about each other - well, Bucky didn't even know everything about himself yet. It was hard.

He sighed quietly as he found himself in one of the many lounge areas, sitting down in an armchair that faced out toward the window. It was so, so peaceful outside. Something that he'd missed out on for far too long. This was his time to relax and get his thoughts together. Usually he'd avoid being alone at all costs - but today was different. He'd had such a fun day with that cake contest, and now he just needed some time to himself. Bucky pulled out his little notebook from his pocket, carefully flicking through the pages until he found a blank one. A small grin appearing on his face as he begun to write about his day. Bucky was scared he'd forget everything again. So he wrote down every single detail. From the type of milk he used with his cereal to conversations he had with people during the day. Everything. He didn't want to lose himself again.

****

"What kind of pizza do you guys want?" Natasha called out as she strolled in to the main common area where the team were sat. Since the cakes were far from edible, the team decided to just order pizza tonight instead. As soon as she asked, she was met with a loud mixture of voices and orders, all speaking at once. Her eyes widened, waiting for a moment to see if they could figure it out themselves, but they couldn't. She laughed a little, putting a handout to stop them from talking. "You know I can't understand you when you're talking all at once, right?" She teased, shaking her head fondly. Being one of the only girls in the team really made her realise how different guys were when it came to patience. "One at a time, okay? Thor, what would you like?" 

Bucky made his way in to the room with a smile, leaning against the doorway as he watched the chaos. Steve was sat on the couch, patiently waiting his turn when he noticed Bucky in the doorway. He smiled warmly, gesturing for Bucky to take a seat, but Bucky refused. He was happy to stand for now, especially because he was scared that if he sat beside Steve, Scott would make a scene of it. Scott took waiting turns very seriously, so Bucky jumping the line would not be the best move. Bucky hummed a little to himself as he checked his pockets for his notebook - needing to remind himself about what pizza he was going to order, and what he liked and didn't like. But, as he checked his pockets, Bucky's face seemed to drop. His notebook wasn't in his pocket. It wasn't there. His breathing seemed to pick up a little as he backed himself back into the hallway, turning on his heels as he begun to retrace his steps. He couldn't lose this notebook. Everything he'd remembered was in there. What if he forgot again? At this point Bucky was almost jogging down the hallways, he only needed to check one fore room, the lounge area he'd been sat in to write about his day. But, as he turned the corner, he froze. Y/n was stood by one of the armchairs, seeming to be reading something. His notebook. 

Y/n hadn't noticed Bucky. She was just trying to take her normal walk around the compound when she noticed a notebook on the floor. And upon further inspection, she realised it was Bucky's. She knew that she shouldn't look through it, but she couldn't help it. The pair barely talked despite them being close, she wanted to know more about Bucky. Plus, there might be things that could help her remember. So there she was, reading through one of Bucky's nightmares. The one where they had to eliminate a target, but his daughter was still in the apartment, so they had to eliminate her too. As y/n read through, she begun to remember the day so clearly. How could she forget that innocent face? God, even if they were brainwashed she still felt guilty. Y/n continued to read, completely in her own world. That was when Bucky suddenly snatched the notebook out of her hands, causing y/n to jump in surprise. Bucky looked annoyed and hurt, closing the notebook and shoving it back in to his pocket. Y/n froze for a few moments, watching Bucky with wide eyes. Shit. "Bucky, I-" She started, trying to figure out how to make this sound reasonable. But Bucky was having none of it, shaking his head as he begun to walk away, "Don't, y/n. I don't want to hear it." He snapped. Y/n hurried after Bucky with wide eyes, trying to catch up to him. "Come on, Buck! You know it wasn't with bad intention!" She called out in desperation. She didn't want to lose Bucky's trust. He was the only person that she could fully say trusted her. Now what? Bucky laughed a little in annoyance, turning around to face y/n. "What was it then, hm?" He snapped. Bucky was so protective over his notebook, and rightly so. It was so personal to him. Not even Steve could look at it. "You know, of all people I really thought you'd be the one that could respect someone's privacy." He hissed, pointing at y/n a little as he spoke. Y/n stopped in her tracks, a wave of guilt and sadness washing over her. That hurt. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Bucky shook his head with an annoyed smile, turning back around to head down the hallways and back to where the rest of the team were. Leaving y/n in the hallway. Alone. 

Y/n felt as if she couldn't move. Her chest hurt from sadness and guilt piling up. She shouldn't have read that notebook. That was Bucky's. She would've reacted the exact same if Bucky did that to her. But it still hurt. Yes, Tony claimed to trust her, but she knew that wasn't true. Peter told her that the rest of the team didn't have trackers in their suits, just him and her. She wasn't trusted at all. Bucky was the only person that seemed to trust her no matter what. But now she'd completely ruined that...