The Mimic

109

Y/n was seething with anger.

The adrenaline coursing through her veins made her feel as if she was a bomb ready to explode. She felt so, so conflicted. Half of her mind was screaming at her to turn around and kill Rumlow, whilst the other half was full of guilt and regret for letting her emotions get the best of her. The kill would've been so easy, so smooth. But she didn't do it. She didn't pull the trigger. And because of that Rumlow had free reign to tease her. In his eyes, y/n was weak, impulsive, and emotional. The exact traits that she had sworn not to show him. She was supposed to be his killer, not the girl that jumped when he yelled. What was wrong with her? Y/n was known by Hydra for her countless kills, and now she was fumbling over a damn trigger. She wasn't even sure if she should be upset about it or not. At least it showed that she wasn't a Hydra soldier anymore, but it also made her feel as if she was weak. As if she didn't deserve to be on the team.

Rumlow had called her 'princess'. Of all of the nicknames he could've chosen, he chose the one that struck a nerve. He must've known what he was doing. But how? How did Rumlow know to call her that? It didn't make sense. Y/n didn't know what he looked like until the mission today, so there was no way he would've known about that nickname. But, coincidence or not, that nickname was full of horrible memories. Memories that could never be buried. She could hear the man in the suit's voice in her head. His unnervingly calm tone, the gloved hand that used to wipe her tears away, and his relaxed smile. Everything. It all came rushing back to her, and it just made the frustration build even more. 

Princess. That word made her blood boil.

Y/n dragged her hands through her hair in frustration, resting them atop her head. Her face was caked in sweat, blood, and dirt - and the mission wasn't even over yet. She huffed out a heavy breath, her lungs burning from the desire to scream. But, as much as she wanted to, she couldn't just scream. Y/n had already made a fool of herself by failing to kill Rumlow, she couldn't have a temper tantrum too. Once the mission was over, she could scream and shout as much as she wanted. But not now. Her boots stomped against the uneven ground as she weaved through the rubble, trying to find Wanda in all of the chaos. She needed to let her anger out. Everything was just building and building and building, she was surprised it hadn't bubbled over yet. Y/n laughed angrily at the fact that she needed to let her anger out, hitting her forehead with the edge of her palm a few times. She was stupid. She could've let her anger out by killing Rumlow. But no, she decided to let Steve talk her out of it. 

The only hope that she had was the fact that she was walking toward the battle. Maybe she could go fight some of Rumlow's team with Wanda. That would help. Bashing people's head in and blasting people into next week was always a fun thing. (Only with bad guys, of course.)

But, that spark of hope was stamped out as quickly as it appeared.

Wanda was still busy keeping the poisonous gas contained in the air. Many members of Rumlow's team were attacking her as she did so, leaving Wanda to struggle to keep the gas contained. Her eyes lit up at the sight of y/n making her way toward her, letting out a breath of relief. "Y/n! Quick, help me contain the gas!" She called out over the gunshots. Wanda had heard everything that had just gone down over the earpiece, but she didn't mention it to y/n. She didn't want to make it worse. Well, she didn't want to make it worse on purpose. Wanda had decided to give y/n the job of containing the gas, seeming as if it was the easiest job there. Plus, she knew that the team needed her help. Y/n wasn't in a good enough state to be running around fighting, so Wanda thought that she was doing her a favour by giving her the easy job.

Of course that was not how y/n took it. This was the worst job someone could've given her. There were so many reasons why, but three seemed to stand out the most. One: Y/n was on her own and separated from the rest of the team. Two: Containing gas wasn't going to get any of her anger out. It was a boring job. A job with no blood, no destruction, nothing. And finally, the third and most important reason: Y/n was mimicking super soldier strength to stay numb from the pain, and now here she was, needing to mimic a different power. 

She was going to be alone and vulnerable. Frustrated and ready to snap at any moment. Her earpiece barely worked, so there was no way she could communicate with the team without yelling. All she could do was sit and listen to them fight whilst she contained a stupid cloud of gas. 

Y/n understood that it was an important job, she really did, but it wasn't the job she wanted. Y/n wanted to fight. She needed to fight. She needed to get some of her anger out before she snapped. Y/n didn't want to hide behind a pillar and contain a cloud of gas. She was going to be left with nothing but her thoughts. The same thoughts that she'd been avoiding for the past two days, the thoughts that were inevitably going to be worse after what had just happened. This wasn't what she wanted. Nothing in this mission had gone to plan, everything just seemed to be getting worse and worse by the second.

This was going to be hell.