Got your back

Chapter 19

The team sat around their table, all varying levels of slumped in their chairs. Less than an hour earlier, they had finally wrapped a high profile case that they'd been working on nonstop all week, and the only thing anyone wanted to do was go home and sleep until Monday. Instead, they'd had to hurriedly change into their uniforms and rush- as best they could in the Friday night traffic- to make their mandatory appearance at the annual gala.

On the bright side, their last second arrival had limited the need for any unnecessary mingling with other officers before dinner was served. Which was a good thing since the entire unit wasn't much in the mood for talking, silenced both by exhaustion and thoughts of the case they'd just closed. There wasn't much more than occasional word as the table ate their dinner, the silence filled instead by the scraping of forks and the constant sounds of conversation from surrounding tables. No one had the energy to complain, but they were all silently counting down the minutes until they could leave.

As the night was finally winding down, Hailey excused herself to the restroom. As she squeezed her way past various groups of mingling cops, she couldn't help but feel the abundance of eyes that followed her. The cops at the 21st had finally gotten over her betrayal, no doubt switching their judgmental glares and whispers to another equally undeserving target. Who that was she hadn't bothered to learn; she was just glad that things might finally begin to go back to normal. Here, however, it was quite apparent that the cops hadn't forgiven her yet. She kept her head high and focused on ignoring them.

She made her way across the room, but she had been so focused on ignoring the glares that she wasn't able to pay as much attention to her surroundings as she normally did.

"Well, if it isn't the infamous Hailey Upton."

Hailey froze, her blood running cold. Because she recognized that smug voice. It had been months since she'd heard it last, but it was burned into her brain. She could not forget it no matter how hard she tried. And she had tried. Tried to forget the way it sounded whispering too close to her ear, so close she could feel it. Tried to forget the way it sounded echoing across the bullpen. Tried not to fear hearing it every time she saw a blue uniform. If she'd never had to hear it again, it still would've been too soon. But life didn't work like that.

She turned around, careful to keep her face blank. She crossed her arms in front of her. "Wilson," she replied curtly.

"It's been a minute."

I wonder why. Hailey didn't respond, just continued to stand there, doing her best to hide the panic that was rising in her chest, instead covering it with a mildly annoyed glare.

"You're not happy to see me?" His slight smirk and the way he asked made it obvious that he knew she wasn't. He was enjoying this, relishing that despite her rank and station, he still had power over her.

Her glare deepened, which caused his smirk to do the same. "I'm surprised they're still letting you be in Intelligence."

I wish I could be surprised that they're still letting you be in the CPD.

He was baiting her and she knew it, yet she couldn't stop herself from responding. She wasn't defenseless- not this time. "And why's that?" She shot back with an edge to her voice.

"CPD doesn't look to favorably on weak cops in their most elite unit. Couldn't even handle a simple UC op without crying wolf." He had a fake pitying look on his face that made her want slap it off him, but she knew better. She was the one on thin ice, not him, as he was so kindly reminding her.

"But I wouldn't worry about it too much," he continued, with the same condescending tone. "Heard they're thinking of transferring me back once I make detective. I impressed quite a few people on that op, you know. And they wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable, so I'm sure they'll find a nice new place for you."

Hailey knew he was bluffing. He had to be. Because as screwed up as CPD was, as many issues as they had, even they wouldn't do this. They couldn't. They wouldn't.

Right?

He took a step towards her, and she took in a sharp breath, instinctively moving back. She cursed herself for not standing her ground. The resulting amusement that showed on his face pissed her off. He lowered his voice so it was a whisper, the kind she could still feel against her skin. She tried not to physically gag at the sound, at the memories it brought back. "It was good to see you again Detective Upton." He paused and she thought he was done, that he'd finally leave and she could pretend this had never happened. Instead he leaned closer, not breaking eye contact. "And did I mention, you look lovely this evening." With that he turned and faded back into the crowd, leaving Hailey alone to fight off the panic and sick feeling that were threatening to overwhelm her.

Hailey pushed her way into the restroom, barely checking to make sure she was alone. Her breaths were coming faster now, but she couldn't get any oxygen. She felt like she was suffocating, and her breaths kept getting shallower as her lungs started to panic. She leaned forward against the counter, her hands gripping the cold metal of the faucet handles. She stared into her reflection in the mirror, trying her best to keep herself together.

It wasn't fair. He shouldn't get to be here enjoying his life like he hadn't done anything wrong. He shouldn't get to be here, period. He shouldn't get to be the fricking hero while everyone was looking at her like she was the villain. She shouldn't be the one getting punished. And he shouldn't get to make her feel like this.

She hated this, hated him. She hated the way that he could still ruin her life. She hated the way he could make her feel this helpless. But somehow, more than that, she hated herself. Because she should've been able to stop him. She was a cop- supposedly a darn good one- and she didn't stop him. What kind of cop was she if she couldn't even protect herself? How could she block out all of the voices telling her she wasn't good enough when she had let this happen?

She splashed cold water on her face, telling herself that that was why her reflection was getting blurry. Because she wasn't crying. She was stronger than that. She might not have been strong enough to get Caden to stop or to prove to everyone who didn't believe in her that they were wrong, but she was still strong enough for this. Because she wasn't going to let Caden keep controlling her. She was too strong to let him hurt her again. They were just words. She wasn't going to cry over stupid words. She was stronger than that.

So, no, the water in her eyes wasn't tears. Her reflection wasn't getting steadily blurrier. The water dripping down her face was from the faucet, nothing else.