Got your back

Chapter 10

Author's Note: Not related to the story, but happy Easter to all who celebrate! ❤

"Uh, hey Jay," Kim said as she opened the door to Hailey's apartment. She glanced over her shoulder to check with Hailey. He couldn't see her, but he knew his partner well enough to picture her sitting crossed legged on the sofa in sweats, probably hugging a pillow like she did sometimes when she was upset.

"It's okay. He can come in," he heard Hailey say quietly, and Kim opened the door wider. As he walked in, he almost smiled when he saw Hailey just as he had imagined, but then he remembered why he was there and any hint of a smile vanished from his face.

He heard Kim grab her jacket and keys, and as she opened the door again to leave, she paused to look at Hailey. "Hails, text me if you need anything, okay?" She waited until Hailey nodded in reply before she headed out.

Jay sat down a little ways from his partner. For a couple minutes they sat there in silence, neither one looking at the other. It wasn't quite uncomfortable, but it wasn't their normal comfortable silence either. There was a tension between them that hadn't been there before, and it was threatening to tear them apart.

Finally, Jay spoke. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

Hailey looked at him for a second before dropping her gaze. "Tell you what?"

"Hailey. Adam told me what happened when you were undercover," Jay said. It wasn't a question, and he didn't want to pry. He just wanted to let her know he knew.

Hailey nodded, intently focused on picking at the threading of the throw pillow she was holding. As the seconds passed, Jay was beginning to think she wasn't going to say anything at all, but finally she spoke. "No. I mean, maybe." She sighed. "I don't know," she said quietly, answering his original question.

Her answer stung. Not as much as her words in the locker room, but it still hurt. They'd been together for a while and partners even longer, and he'd always thought they'd had a partnership- a relationship- where they could tell each other anything. So the fact that she was even considering not telling him that someone had hurt her hurt him.

"Why?" He asked, quietly, doing his best to keep his voice devoid of the swirl of emotions he was feeling.

"Because," she paused, her gaze never leaving the pillow. "I didn't want it to be real." Jay waited for her to continue, knowing that she could sense his confusion even though she still refused to look at him. Hailey tucked her hair behind her ear before returning her hand to her lap. "I confronted him after we got back to the district. Told him he was out of line and if he tried anything like that again, he'd be out so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. But he- he just turned it around on me. Acted like he didn't know what I was so upset about. Said he was just doing his job, trying to keep our cover intact. And then he pointed out that you would've done the same thing, and I wouldn't have been complaining then. He acted like I was the one who was causing a problem, complaining about him just doing his job.

"And I mean, he had a point didn't he? If it was you and me undercover and it came down to PDA to keep our cover intact, then that's what would've happened, and we wouldn't be having this same conversation then. And I've been in that kind of situation before with Garrett, and it didn't bother me. So why should it be any different this time?

"So in my head I was second guessing myself- not just yesterday but for the past couple of months- and thinking 'well maybe it's not all as bad as it seems. Because if it was, surely someone else would've noticed, would've said something. But nobody has, so it's gotta just be me.' And so it wasn't really real. It was only in my head, and if I told you about it that would make it real. And given the choice between it being real or not, I didn't want it to be."

His heart broke at the sight of his partner, the person he loved more than anything else in the world, sitting there in pain, tears falling silently down her face. He hated that she still couldn't meet his gaze, too ashamed of what he might think of her now. He hated himself for not noticing sooner what she had been dealing with and for failing to have her back.

"Hailey, you have to tell Voight."

Hailey's head shot up and she finally made eye contact, her gaze holding an intensity that took Jay by surprise. "I don't have to do anything," she shot back.

"No, I- Hails, you know that's not what I meant," Jay said, trying to backtrack. "I just- Hailey, it's not okay. He can't treat you like that and get away with it."

"But he will. Even if I tell Voight, he'll still get away with it. That's just how the world works, Jay. But if I tell Voight, he'll have to file paperwork, the kind that goes to HR. And who do you think that's gonna follow around? The guy with a perfect record and connections? Or the girl who was 'meritoriously promoted' to detective?"

"Hailey..."

"It's just how it works, Jay," she said, shaking her head. "The same way that it's Kim and I who get second guessed for being with Adam and you. Nobody thinks twice about what you've achieved. But everything we've done? Always because of who we're with. Couldn't possibly be because we're good cops."

"Hails..."

"Quit just saying my name like that! I don't want your pity, and there's nothing you can do to fix it," she said, her anger quickly turning to sobs as the weight of everything she had been carrying for so long crashed down on her.

Jay rushed over and pulled her into his arms. They sat there like that for almost an hour, him holding her close as she cried, until Hailey's tears finally slowed to a stop. By then she was struggling to keep her eyes open, thoroughly exhausted from crying. Jay helped her up and led her to her room so she could get ready for bed. She climbed under the covers and he turned out the light, leaning over to place a kiss on her forehead. He turned to leave but was stopped when she grabbed his hand.

"Stay with me? Please?"

He couldn't say no to her, not after everything she had been through. He climbed into bed beside her, and she curled up against him. He gently stroked her blonde hair and watched as a tiny sliver of moonlight reflected off her face still damp from tears. Her breathing slowed, and she visibly relaxed from his continued presence beside her.

Just as she was drifting off to sleep, she whispered, "Please don't make me go to work tomorrow."

And Jay's heart broke all over again.