Getting it Together

A Somber Holiday Part One

Warnings: Pregnancy, calling a fetus an "it", male pregnancy, giving up search for a kidnapped person, thinking some's dead, rule breaking, death description, bruising description, and brief mentions of puking.

He couldn't hide it anymore.

Roman shifts awkwardly, adjusting the blanket that was covering his stomach. Over the months since Jason, it had gotten bigger, but now that Logan was gone he could no longer hide it and pretend nothing was there with baggy sweatshirts.

Even looking at himself made him feel disgusting.

The cold hard truth was finally starting to set in, taking over the denial.

He was eight months pregnant.

He could only have the small satisfaction that he wasn't too big, after all this was his first and only time getting pregnant, and normally people were always smaller for that first baby. It was a small comfort.

Small, but still.

At any day this thing inside him could just decide to, what? Fall out? He knew it wouldn't be that easy.

It wasn't even here yet, and already it had taken so much from him. Roman had puked more than once after smelling even the slightest hint of peanut butter. The taste of carrots made him orange in the face. Even the wet-dog smell that Sela carried after playing with Virgil in the rain was enough to send him racing pathetically to the bathroom.

And worse was the feeling. He could feel it moving inside him, like an alien that was ready to burst out and kill him. While he had stomached his pride once or twice and let Virgil feel the thing inside him, if only to see the look of pure wonder on the boy's face, he just wished it would stop.

Stop moving, stop making him sick and agitated. Stop making him crave food.

He ignored every single craving he got, like his own version of a punishment. Shockingly, they were nothing too bizarre, he'd heard of women eating pickles dipped in chocolate when they were pregnant, but more than anything he just wanted grapes.

But he refused to even touch the absolutely delicious looking ones in the fridge.

And of course he knew, he knew that he should stop calling it "it" and "thing" there was no denying at this stage it was a little person, even if he didn't know the gender.

Why did he have to be so late?

Roman could barely look at Remy, let alone speak too him, after Remy and Damien had found out exactly what Remy hadn't put in Roman's drink at the Gala.

An abortive.

It would have worked just in time then, but of course by the time they found out there was no hope for that.

Of course it wasn't Remy's fault, he hadn't known.

But it still tore at Roman's insides.

The door opened and Patton silently came in, crying behind his hands.

No Logan.

"Some of them are giving up." Patton sobs, referencing the men in town that had been helping him search. "They say it's been too long, so he must be...He must be d-dead."

"I'm sorry, Patton." Roman sighs. He wasn't really sorry for Patton.

For Logan? Of course, if he was still out there. For Remus and Thomas? Obviously, they were missing their other halves, even if Remus had only cried once since Logan had been taken. The kids? Of course Roman felt sorry for them, Virgil was so attached and Damien cared for Logan, even if sometimes he couldn't show it.