Raising Love : Introducing A New Baby to Your Child and Other Parentisms

Chapter 2 - What to Consider When You are Considering

Every now and then we would remove the topic (of having another baby) from its (increasingly) dusty shelf and check it out, but we would always find a reason why we should just put it back. This was a very sensitive topic for us, and a very difficult decision, which could not be taken lightly.

Many people don't take the time to really consider this. In the days when our great grandparents roamed the earth, people had A LOT of children. This was most probably due to the fact that:

-they needed a large labour force for their farms and fields

-there was little or no information about, or access to, birth control

-it was a cultural taboo to use birth control

-there was insufficient medical care available and so people died of illnesses that would be minor irritations these days (such as measles or the flu)

-there was no Wi-Fi, TV or gyms. In fact there wasn't much entertainment at all, so people created their own "recreational activities" which, in turn, lead to the creation of more people (like an automatic tennis ball launcher - boom, boom, boom...)

Whichever way you look at it, I think we can all agree that times have changed. These days there's a lot of information about birth control (as well as several different methods of contraception). People are more open about their bodies and feel more free to speak to medical professionals and seek out family planning services. We also have better health care access now and, so, people are not dying (as much) from simple to cure illnesses like the chicken pox.

These days many mothers also need to work to supplement the family's income and, as such, it is wise to consider whether having a second child is in the best interests of the family. If it is not, then it is the duty of a responsible adult to ensure that reliable methods of contraception are used to prevent pregnancy. On the flip side of that coin, there are several thousand couples that both work and, yet, go on to successfully raise 2, 3, 4 or more children.

Another unique development in the new, modern age is that many couples are choosing not to ever have children. This is also a viable option IF IT SUITS YOUR LIFESTYLE.

For Jared and I, the decision was based on Jesse's need, and our availability as parents. We considered a second child at many different points in our lives. We were very sure that watching a sibling grow, and reach their milestones, might give Jesse the push he needed, that he might be inclined to copy their behaviour. And so, the conversations would always develop from there. We would talk about what a good boy he was, how loving he was and how he would be the best big brother. This would go on for days and days.

Then suddenly, fear would set in:

- Was he ready?

- Were we ready?

- Would he feel unloved, or inadequate, if we brought another child into our home?

- Would we be able to love another child the way we loved Jesse?

- What if Jesse really did have a chromosomal abnormality, inherited from me? ((J)Ha ha, that's a joke!). Would a second child have the same issues? How, then, would we be able to raise two special needs children?

- What if his birth issues arose from medical negligence (instead of a genetic problem) ((J)that's more likely) and our second baby developed "normally" and reached all their milestones "on time"? How would he handle it? Would it upset him and cause animosity between him and his sibling.

All these doubts would play in our minds and so the topic would, once more, be put away.

Eventually, when Jesse was 5 and a half (in 2016), Jared and I decided that all of us were, finally, ready for an addition to our family.

And so the road to Zoe began...

(J)(This was a fun off ramp that I was more than willing to take).