Over the years Jared and I have heard some truly horrific comments that adults have thrown at children. And we wonder why some children bully others? Something to think about isn't it?
In this chapter we will be sharing real life stories with you, not to gossip but, rather, to educate you. Now, obviously, there are certain aspects of child rearing that we can agree to disagree on, such as when to potty train, which foods to introduce to babies first, the best type of study regime for your high school aged children, etc. However, there are also some aspects of child rearing that are non-negotiable such as the fact that it is just plain wrong to call your child a "dumbass".
It's not just babies and young children who are vulnerable and need to be spoken to with caution. We adults, often have public tantrums when we feel that someone has spoken down to us, so it is only right that we treat our children with the same respect that we expect from them and others.
Please understand that Jared and I don't believe that we shouldn't reprimand our children, but we can reprimand them without resorting to name calling and insulting them.
Often, we don't really hear ourselves when we speak, but when we hear the same (mean) comment come from someone else, it makes us realise just how nasty certain statements sound.
All of these stories are real, they have been related to us by the main protagonist in each of them and we have been given permission, by that person, to share their story. Obviously we are not mentioning real names or the names of events or places where a traumatic experience occurred. We are doing our best to keep it as vague as possible in order to protect identities while still getting the story across. In some cases we have changed a few of the details (that are irrelevant to the crux of the story).
1. To Tame a Mocking Crowd
"A" was 11 years old when she realised that people love it when others fail. She had always loved music and dancing, but in her town, and in her family, it was unacceptable to perform either of those two arts in a secular manner. "A's" family were completely devoted to their particular culture, language and religion and they were always forcing her to participate in these "vernacular" activities and competitions.
Personally, she would have preferred going to a fun Girl Scout meeting and learning ballroom dance, but her mother would have none of it. So, out of fear, she participated in the "vernacular" competitions. During one such competition, she (and one other girl) were chosen out of 11 other students to represent their group at a competition in the category of "solo singing".
She didn't want to do it, she had a bad feeling that it wouldn't end well because, while she loved singing, she knew that she wasn't "competition" good, it wasn't about low self-esteem, it was about performing in the right category for her talents. However, the instructors didn't care what the students wanted, they just wanted those gold trophies, and the students knew better than to disobey. So, she practiced and practiced with the head music teacher and (according to him) she sang excellently.
The day of the competition came and she was so nervous. She got up on stage with the music teacher (as he was playing the accompanying music for her) and disaster struck. She was so nervous that her timing went off and she croaked in a few places, because her mouth was drier than the Sahara in summer. If that wasn't enough, she ran out of time and when the judge rang the bell to indicate that she had one minute left, her music teacher told her to just round up the song (even though she had a verse or two left to sing). Being so nervous that her ears were ringing, she didn't hear him clearly so, as she was taught, she covered the mike with one hand (all lady like) and tried to confirm that he wanted her to finish up.
Unfortunately, in her panic and embarrassment, poor "A" (evidently) did not cover the mike fully, and the entire audience heard her. These vultures (as well as the judges) who had been smirking and snickering, for the 5 minutes that she had been singing, then burst out into a roar of laughter. Now, if you and I (being adults) were in "A's" situation, we might have just laughed with the crowd and made a joke out of it, but remember that "A" was an 11 year old pre-teen, who was already bullied at school, and at home, for being fat and dark skinned, so she didn't have the emotional capacity to quickly make light of her predicament.
YOU ARE READING
Raising Love : Introducing A New Baby to Your Child and Other Parentisms
Non-FictionI am a stay at home mom to two beautiful children, and my husband and I have faced many issues in raising them. This book is just some of our stories.
