Raising Love : Introducing A New Baby to Your Child and Other Parentisms

Chapter 5 - Balancing Act

As I was saying, before chapter 4 closed on me so rudely... Jesse and Zoe's love for each other, and their sibling bond has grown in leaps and bounds since those early days of me rubbing his hands on my tummy, and letting him place his ear and cheek against my tummy when I was pregnant with Zoe.

We owe all of that to Jesus. I know, that at this point, a lot of people would say, "Hang on, why do these people keep crediting Jesus for everything? THEY are the ones who made the decisions that led to successful outcomes."

Many people don't really understand that Jesus is a very real and tangible person in our lives. (I don't blame those who struggle to understand the physical and spiritual reality of Jesus. It's not something that can be understood, it has to be experienced, even then it's a little difficult for the human mind to, fully, grasp).

For Jared and I, consulting Jesus when we face a decision, is as easy as consulting each other. We have a daily relationship with Him, so even when we feel like He isn't answering a particular question, we know that we can still make that decision with the knowledge that He will guide the choice and work it out for our benefit (again, I will cover these testimonies in detail in the next book).

Jesus has given us the love and power of mind to make decisions, and handle situations, in ways that have greatly benefited our family. In those early days, when we first brought Zoe home, it wasn't easy to make good on our promises to Jesse, but we did our best to ensure that he was well attended to, that he felt loved and that, if we couldn't fulfil a promise, we explained the situation to him and apologised for not delivering on that particular promise.

For instance, I had promised him that I would go have the baby in the morning and be home that night. I had had every intention of doing just that, because I had had a C-section previously and knew what to expect. I knew that I only needed 6 hours of good rest, after the C-section, before I could walk around (well, shuffle around), so I felt confident making that promise to Jesse. However, the anesthetist messed up (I want to use a stronger word...use your imagination, you'll find the word) my epidural so royally that after four epic fails (that, miraculously, didn't paralyse me) I was forced to have general anesthesia.

This slowed down my recovery timeline and I had to have the heart breaking chat with Jesse that night (during visiting hours) explaining that mommy had to stay the night. Jesse was upset but I don't think he really grasped what I was saying until Jared got home that night at 10pm without me. He actually scolded Jared and fought with him for coming home without me.

As for me, I didn't sleep that night, which was much worse for my body, and mind, than leaving the hospital prematurely. I couldn't even, fully, enjoy finally being in a position to have my baby with me straight after birth. It was bad enough that the general anesthesia had robbed Jared and I of being present when Zoe was delivered, and hearing her first cry (there's an unnecessarily inhumane rule that dads can't be present for a birth if the mom has general anesthesia instead of an epidural - again, punishing us for someone else's ineptitude), but now, it was preventing me from keeping my promise to my first baby.

I did, forcibly, discharge myself the next day, though, and I made sure that I got home early enough to shower and then feed Jesse his lunch (even though he was well cared for by my parents while Jared and I were at the hospital). He forgave me easily enough, in fact, he wasn't even angry. He was so happy to see me and he just loved the story of how mommy fought with the doctor and just walked out of the hospital, by force, to be home for Jesse.

In those early weeks it took me a ridiculously long time to heal (compared to my recovery time after having Jesse) and it also took a lot of time and planning to adjust to life with two children. I really enjoyed having Jared around for those weeks when he was on paternity leave, but unfortunately he had to go back to work long before I was fully recovered. I, therefore, had to learn how to juggle multiple tasks at the same time. You might think, "But it's just two kids, how hard can that be?" Trust me, it's hard, especially when you have had major surgery.