the day before you came - severus snape x reader

Chapter 20 - When I Kissed The Teacher

A.N.: hey my lovelies, i hope y'all are doing well. if not, i'm sending you a virtual hug and some cookies x
life's busy at the moment and i'm slow at writing new stuff, dealing with mental health issues is the cherry on top of my writer's block.
i do hope y'all are staying with me though. i still have a few chapters pre-written and i'm slowly easing myself back into writing regularly.
so please stay healthy, hydrated and patient, babes. all the best xx

You tiptoe into your room, thankful for not meeting anyone on your way to your dorm, and fall onto your bed with a troubled sigh.

What a strange parting that was, you think. You still can't figure him out, and the speed at which he puts his walls up at the most unexpected times.

He's a strange man.

Kind in the oddest moments, and unattainable in the next, switching without warning, and he's just not making any sense right now.

The way he looked so pained and contrite when you've woken him up right before he fucked you, the way he roughly dismissed you a few minutes earlier – what's that even about?

You grumble.

It's not that you don't get the unusual situation you've found yourself in, by god, you've been through enough to know how debilitating this is, being in the nearly exact circumstances a year before and all.

Still, you're wondering about his strange behavior, because you didn't peg him for one to wallow in remorse – he did have a large share in all of this, after all, being absolutely provocative and so handsy over the last weeks.

You roll over on your side and close your eyes. You should talk to Remus tomorrow. Maybe he can explain this headache of a man; with this soothing thought, you fall into a restless, dreamless slumber.

When you awake, the sun hangs low and red in the sky, and very much still in the clutches of sleep, you begin to cry softly.

How could you have forgotten Alan in all this shitshow?

Gods! You didn't waste a single thought on him and the love you've promised to cherish, and you slept with Severus in the heat of the moment, practically head over heels, driven by foolish lust, betraying the promise you gave Alan.

Recklessly fucking your arrogant Professor surely doesn't count as the new adventure you should explore, you think bitterly (although he has absolutely talented fingers – not the point!)

You've been there before, you stupid, stupid girl, you should have known better, and now you've lost them both, apparently, and you're more than desolate.

"How can someone be so desperately wanting to be loved?", you mutter, and rub your eyes with a defeated groan.

It's time to consult your best friend to yank you out of this miserable self-pity.

"Merlin, you look wasted", Remus greets you with a laugh and ushers you into his office.

"I feel even worse", you mutter, and plop down onto the couch, wiggling your feet under a thick, woolen blanket.

Remus offers you a glass of an all too familiar liquid, but you decline with a disgusted snarl. No more alcohol for a year, thank you very much.

"Tea?", he asks. You shake your head no.

"Oh baby, what happened?"

Remus sits down next to you and grabs your hand, his eyes painted with warm compassion.

"Talk to me."

And you do. You tell him everything that happened after you left the Ball, and Remus makes sure that you don't leave out any tiny (spicy) detail, producing strange noises of glee now and then, but apart from that, he lets you talk without interruption.