If Only You Can Stay (BL/BXB)

XV

His words echoed in my mind as if they were broken records who kept repeating the same part of a song again and again. His eyes were all worried and I was lost at what I should respond to his sudden remark. I shook my head trying to bring myself back.

"I thought you already left." He told me. That snapped me back into my senses. I looked into his worrying eyes as if he lost something he begged for. The crowd followed the one who guided the campus tour and we were the only ones left as they moved heading to their next destination.

"What's? Is there something wrong?" I asked. His grip was still there. His hand was cautious. Tight but not that tight to inflict any pain. He was still gentle despite his humongous demeanor.

"No." He cleared his throat, changed his expression and let go of my arm. I guessed he found out that he was acting a little weird.

"Okay. I think I need to rejoin the group." I nervously told him and took a step backwards.

"I can make time for you to have a tour next time. Come with me."

I thought the boy was losing his mind. I told him what most other straight boys would hate-to be around someone like me. As if I was some contagious disease that social distancing was a mandatory requirement to be with someone like me. And that immediately contact should be addressed to consult a physician to know if they got the gayness or not. I guessed he was not most boys and he was just trying to be nice. Kudos to him for not acting like one of them.

"Let's head out." He told me.

"Oh, sorry. I need to be with my Aunt. She's expecting a few guests in the house and she needs me to prepare something for them."

"I see. I'll take you home. I promise I won't do detours, except for a flower shop near your street."

"You're quite familiar with the place."

"Well, I lived here longer." He chuckled.

"I see. I'm still a foreigner to this place." I told him as I found myself tagging along with him as we headed to the stairs.

"Just like I am at your place." He replied, with such enthusiasm as if he wanted to know where I came from.

"What's it looked like though?" He asked curiously. He tilted his body to face me while we took the steps to the stairs. In that way, he was certain that he could see me and my reactions to his questions. "The food there would probably be nice. Better than the food we just got earlier."

"Kinda."

"What do you mean kinda? The one in that resto was hella fire. I bet the country has a lot to offer other than food."

"Uhm, I think I gotta go." I told him. I was hesitant at first to text Aunt if she could pick me up. Thankfully, the online maps were showing me that it would be a thirty-minute walk. So I thought, it would be bearable for me to explore the city for that time with my walk. Plus, I wouldn't be a burden to my aunt.

"Is your aunt gonna pick you up?" He asked.

"Yes. She will." I lied. I didn't text her to come and pick me up. So probably, I would be walking my way home.

"Okay, then I'll wait until she picks you up."

"No need. It will get dark soon."

"Exactly, you're right. That's why I am staying here with you until she picks up."

"Stop being so pushy."

"I am not. I am just looking out for you." He told me.

I stayed there silent. I was waiting for his response. I was waiting whether he would utter another word or just give up on waiting and ask permission to leave. I would tell him that he didn't have to but after a few mere minutes he didn't ask. He was just there with his phone. No word just me and the loud voices in my head.

"Are you sure she's coming?" He asked. I felt like I was dreading for him to talk to me.

"I don't know." It's true. I had no idea if she would be going to save my ass here or not.

"Just text her that a friend took you out."

"Took me out?" I darted him a look. "Am I a trash?"

"No. What I meant was I took you out as if it was a date." He clarified. He shook his head from disappointment that he needed to make himself clear with his words with me since I was not that able to pick up from his little sarcastic responses.

"Oh." That left me stunned for a moment.

"I am just kidding if that offended you." He cleared up what he just said earlier.

"I just thought, how could you say some shit things like that." I told him. His words meant to me like they were trying to tell me something else. He never ever thought of the words coming out from his mouth. I did not know if he was raised to express what his mind thought to be expressed or was I never ever had anyone that interested in me that made me think that someone else could open up to me. As per I, proper decorum was what made me behave throughout my whole stay. That's what programmed me back home. To never show my true colors, to never ever let go of any sentiments inside burst the bubble that protected it. What I thought was a mere proper decorum was actually a manipulation to my own emotion. Because the last time I did try to burst the bubble in a recreational treat-I opened up at how I felt confused on whether I would trust anyone because every side boys or girls I would always be the one left out-I ended up hearing whispers from the hallways that I was too dramatic and overreacting about everything. In fact, some of them directly told me that I was too flamboyant to be with the boys, that I couldn't throw a ball and I was too masculine for the girls that they didn't want to hang out with some dude. Now, the bubble turned cemented walls that any show of any part of me taught me that I would end up hurt. Hence, I came to believe that there's no others to trust?

"Is it hard for you to trust me?"