If Only You Can Stay (BL/BXB)

I

"Have you had all your documents ready?" My sister welcomed herself inside my room with her arms folded across her chest and a smile that never showed any happiness inside.

"What's up with the sudden English? Pwede namang magFilipino. (Speaking Filipino will do.)" I told her. Smiles against those teary eyes of hers.

"I just wanted you to practice." She joked and hovered her way towards me. This time, her eyes gave up. Tears flowed. Paths on her cheeks were created as the streams went through.

"You knew I enrolled at an English Language School just to get prepared for this. So I think it's okay. I am okay, Ate." I told her, rolling my eyes and then smiling at her

"I know. Alam ko. I am sorry." She apologized. She wrapped her arms around me as I pulled into a warm hug after I was able to zipped up my baggage. She cried. Sobs filled my small room. Her breathing was heavy and the loud cries were enough to wake the monsters on the other side of the wall.

"Hm! Ilalantad lang niya pagkabakla niya doon. (He will just flaunt how gay he was there.)"

"Ano ba, Ma? Umalis ka na nga. Hangang ngayon ba ganyan pa rin ba ang tingin mo sa sarili mong anak? (What, Ma? Just go away. Up until now, you still see your own son that way?)"

"Ay di ba? Gano . . ." Mom was not able to finish her sentence as my sister shoved her away and shut the door. I watched as her shoulder fell after heaving a sigh.

"I am sorry, Ate. If I am strai . . ."

"No. There's nothing wrong." She was quick enough to get back to me and cupped her hands on both of my cheeks.

"But it's true. If I am, you won't be dealing with this kind of mess." I told her.

"No. No, no. There's nothing wrong. Don't apologize for being who you are. Ate loves you so much and I will always protect you no matter what." She gave me a kiss on the forehead and I was the one this time to give her a hug.

"Thank you. You're always there for me."

"Of course, I am. While your knight in shining armor is still doing his errands, I will be your superhero fighting off bacterias and viruses. Just like those on dishwashing commercials." I giggled at what she said.

But then, just as we enjoyed the solace inside my small room for a couple of minutes, with silence that was so comforting and peaceful, I left nothing but the thought of wrapping my arms around her. The oldest among us became my companion throughout my highschool life.

"Mamimiss kita, Ate. (I am going to miss you, Ate.) I love you." I whispered and my eyes bursted into tears and she patted my shoulder

"O sya, pack your things before you miss your flight." She told me. I looked at the clock and I came to a realization that we had wasted almost thirty minutes of time that made me hurried checking my papers I would be needing.

The airport ride was silent except a couple of squeezes my sister made on my hands as she clasped them with hers. We just hailed a taxi and there were only the two of us. My whole family told me that they were busy with their work, study or they had something important to do. My sister had filed a leave, cancelled and moved a company meeting for tomorrow just to be with me this early morning. I told her that she did not have to do that as work was much more important than my flight. I could do it on my own. However she insisted that she had to go with me or she would be sad for the rest of the year.

"I just ruined your day." I commented the moment we stepped out of the taxi cab and she pulled my luggage before I could get it and demand to help me before I left her.

"No. Never. I am so happy to skip work just to spend a day with you." She smiled. I smiled as a response.

"Thank you." I whispered, but loud enough for her to hear.

It took over a couple of hours before my flight. I did not know if we were so early or were just nervous about what was about to happen. I faced my sister again for the last time before I boarded my flight. She stood there and when I moved closer, her eyes flowed with tears endlessly.

"Stop crying." I asked her as people started to look at us as if a similar incident had not happened a couple of minutes ago.

"Take care always." She said.

"I will. Aunt will be there." I told her as I gave her another warm embrace.

"I'll wire you some money. Always smile. Be careful. Take care of yourself. If anything happens, I am one call away. I'll swim the Pacific from the Philippines to the U.S. just to get to you. Okay? What else?" My Ate could not get ahold of herself and started to mumble things endlessly.

"Hey, Ate. Don't worry. I will be okay." I told her but before I could finish the last word, I broke. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces as the thought of leaving someone who had been with me through my ups and downs, the thought of not having her this time for several months and the thought of losing a superhero when people's words tried to devour me wholly.

"Don't cry. Go. You're gonna miss your flight." I wiped the trail of tears that made on my cheeks with the back of my hand and sniffed. She gave my head pats and down to my shoulders.

"See you soon." I told her and she waved her hand as I made a step backwards, setting the distance between us.

"Find yourself. Be yourself." She told me as I turned around after waving back and giving her a smile. I held my luggage and the strap of my bag tight as I started to make countless steps to the gate.

***
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