It's Always You!

Hanging with the Boys

After five more minutes just being us, Tyler and I head back into the house ignoring the whole idea of going on a walk. Why can't anything ever just go to plan. I hold onto Tyler's hand with a firm grip, using him for both moral support, confidence and protection.

From the boys? No. From the fear I have wrapped inside my head and throat, yes. It's become a constant for me, the fight to not have it completely consume me into suffocation.

He stops just before the lounge where we can hear all of the boys voices. 'Are you sure you want to do this baby?' I look up from the floor to his caring face, nothing but encouragement and dare I say it love in his eyes. Could he actually love me? 'I don't think I'm ever going to be ready to talk about it but it's something I need to do. For me. For you. For us.'

Tyler's hand tightens around mine before we walk into the room hand in hand. Deep breaths Aly, deep breaths.

Bryan is the first to look up at us, giving me a reassuring smile. I try to smile back with the hopes of returning his reassuring smile, though I think at best it was a timid, weak one. I'm pathetic.

Bryan 'Do you guys wanna drink' he asks getting up from the sofa he was sat on making both Dom and Chris look up and over to us. Oh lord more unwanted attention.

Tyler 'Can you grab me a coke and a water for Aly.' He asks his voice soft like melted Carmel, I'm a gonna with him.

Bryan nods and Tyler leads us over to the singular arm chair, he sits down first before pulling me down so I am sitting on the chair with my legs over his lap. I wrap my arm around his shoulders, around the back of his head.
With my other free hand he takes hold of my hand, rubbing his thumb over my palm. Helping to keep me centred and somewhat calm. Bryan enters the room and walks over to us handing us each our drinks. 'Thanks' I whisper as Bryan walks back over to his earlier spot of the sofa.

For a while we just sit in the room with everyone, trying to get used to being together for the first time in just over a week. Something that used to feel so normal and relaxed have become uncomfortable, scary and intense.
I find myself flinching whenever someone screams, shouts or laughs really loud. I've snuggled in closer to Tyler's chest searching for protection from him. His hand in running up and down my back, giving me tingles up and down my spin. 'Your doing great baby.' He whispers into my ear. If I was so on edge right now I'd be able to savour this moment of pure cuteness.
I tilt my head up and just look at him. Watching him as he watches his friends, jokes with them, smiles at just being around them. He's missed this. He misses his brothers and just having fun without all of this drama. Without me getting in the way with my moody, frightened ass.

Bryan 'Have you eaten today Lyssa?'

I shake my head and Bryan frowns, chucking a bag of Doritos over to me. I don't bother to catch them, I just watch them fly through the air and land in my lap.

Bryan 'Eat.' He commands from across the room, I know that his tone of voice should have made me want to submit but his dominance didn't work on me. I shake my head and push them over to Tyler.

I watch as Dom stands up and leaves the room. He returns a few moments later, with a apple and a grilled cheese. He walks over to me, stopping a few feet away. I flinch a little before I look up at him meeting his eyes for the first time.

Dom 'I saw that you shook your head about eating the chips so I made one of your favourites. A grilled cheese and an apple.'

I smile and nod my head. Dom takes a few steps towards us and I don't flinch. He stops a little away and offers the plate to Tyler. He takes it and hands it over to me. I kiss his neck before I look back over to Dom and whisper 'Thank-you' he smiles before sitting back down.

Tentatively I pick up half the grilled cheese and offer it to Tyler, he shakes his head and I frown. He's just as bad as me, he only eats when I do. 'If you eat I will. Your just as bad as me with this' I whisper as I frown up at him. He smirks before talking the sandwich from me. I lift up the other half and take a small bite.

Chris 'I just wanted to say sorry for earlier Alyssa, we should have been more sensitive.'

Dom 'Yeah, I guess we just forgot that you don't have to tell us everything. I guess we just aren't used to being shut out of things when one of us is going through something.'

Tristan 'Your one of us Alyssa and we will always help protect you and fight for you.'

Chris 'We know you have Tyler, Mel and Bryan but you have us too.'

I smile weakly as tears trickle down my face hearing all the kind, caring words from each of them. Tyler pulls me back to him, kissing me on the top of my head.

Alyssa 'Baby?'

Tyler 'Yeah!'

Alyssa 'I don't know how to bring it into conversation.'

Tyler 'I'll start and you can jump in when your ready okay...'

I nod and hug him.

Tyler 'Boys, Lys and I have something we want to tell you but you need to be patient and calm. What we are going to say isn't easy for Lys or for me and it's probably going to come as a surprise but it's going to help you understand what's been happening and why we are behaving the way we are.'

TO BE CONTINUED!!!